OTTAWA – Findings from a recent study executed by the University of Ottawa’s Institutional Research and Planning department suggest that individuals who claim to be “so broke” during the course of brunch are, most likely, doing just fine financially.
The study, conducted over the course of 2016 in various restaurants across Canada, indicates that 99.8% of consumers attend and partake in brunch by their own, enthusiastic volition, while a scant 0.2% of participants reluctantly brunched at the behest of a new partner, hard-to-please family member, intimidating workplace superior, or severely distressed friend.
Field researchers also found that the statement would often be uttered 20-30 seconds after ordering a pricey alcoholic beverage. “Diner 1, a 31-year-old male, requests a mimosa, light on the orange juice,” states the study. “Within 21.5 seconds, he makes the following statement to the table: ‘Guys, I can’t believe I just did that. I’m so broke it’s not even funny. Like, I don’t know how I’m going to make rent next month!’”
According to Dr. Petra Stead, the U of O professor supervising this prestigious project, the information gathered by her students yielded less than surprising results. “If an individual is truly experiencing economic hardships, they simply do not brunch,” explained Stead. “I have a similar hunch about juice cleanses, but have yet to conduct formal research on the matter.”
