Level-headed man won’t judge Trump until he reads harrowing account of presidency written by 13 year-old Jewish girl forced to hide in attic
TORONTO – Despite over a year of divisive campaigning and hundreds of inflammatory comments, local man Derek Miller says he’ll only condemn Trump if a publishing house releases the affectin…
7 musicals that should have more cats in them and 1 that shouldn’t
With the immense mainstream popularity of shows like ‘Book of Mormon’ and now ‘Hamilton,’ it seems we may be entering another golden age of musicals. But all is not perfect on Broadway. Crafting …
Total madman invites you to go camping this weekend
THUNDER BAY — Despite cold temperatures, forecasts of snowy squalls, and the fact that the Sleeping Giant Provincial Park camping season ended over a month ago, local crazy person Eric Wear has i…
President Obama pardons thanksgiving turkey instead of mentally handicapped death row inmate
This is the 8th consecutive year President Obama made the controversial choice.…
Postmedia re-hires laid-off journalists to cater office Christmas party
TORONTO – On the heels of handing out more than $2.3 million in retention bonuses to its five top executives, Postmedia, Canada’s largest, least solvent newspaper chain, has announced that …
Gilmore Girls Quiz: Which one of Rory’s fuckboys are you?
Gilmore Girls is coming back! We can’t wait to see what some of television’s most cherished fuckboys are up to now. While you wait for the Netflix reunion, take this quiz to determine if your rep…
Royal Ontario Museum chooses lucky 10-year-old to be its next mummy
TORONTO – After months of suspense, the Royal Ontario Museum’s golden ticket has finally been found by lucky 10-year-old Aiden Samuels, soon to be the ROM’s next mummy. “Aiden’s a really lu…
Health Canada to crack down on vaping in order to stop nation from looking lame
OTTAWA – The federal government plans to regulate the sale and consumption of e-cigarettes in order to stop Canadians from looking like a bunch of assholes all the time. “There are simply t…
Queen’s students torn on which racist theme-party to go to tonight
KINGSTON, ON – A group of Queen’s University students are divided on which of the five cultural appropriation costume parties they would like to attend this evening. Negotiations to break t…
Genetic Lottery Commercial
What would you do if you won the genetic lotto? The Beaverton airs tonight at 10:30pm (et) on The Comedy Network, immediately followed by our writers panel Facebook Livestream.…
