WASHINGTON DC — Following the last-minute cancellation of a vote on the Republican “Trumpcare” bill, President Trump has questioned why he isn’t being lavished with praise for singlehandedly defeating the deeply unpopular legislation.
The embattled president immediately took to twitter to demand credit for the failure of his own signature healthcare bill:
Despite spending the entire 2016 campaign insisting that he would repeal and replace the Affordable Healthcare Act with “something terrific”, Trumpcare polled poorly among Republicans, Democrats, insurance providers, Americans, and humans universally. Citing this lack of support for a bill that he himself allegedly helped write, the former reality TV host was reportedly shocked that more Americans had yet to personally thank him.
The reportedly furious president also expressed confusion at how people were not congratulating him for “kicking that twerp Paul Ryan’s butt”. Trump also reportedly described to assembled members of his cabinet how he bravely stood up to some of the most powerful Republicans in government, including the President himself, to get the bill defeated and appease the electorate.
“In fairness, Republicans control the House, Senate, and White House, so in a way the president single-handedly botching this bill is kind of impressive,” explained White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. He then suggested that, “You all like Obamacare so much, and now thanks to President Trump you get to keep it. So maybe Obamacare should be called Trumpcare?” This suggestion was met with silence from all except Breitbart News.
According to White House insiders, president Trump was seen reading The Art Of The Deal for the first time.