‘I’m going to business school’ reports man who just gave up

Toronto – Self identified failure James Octin has decided to go to University of Western Ontario for a Masters in Business Administration after giving up on all other possible options. “I&#…

6 tips on staying fashionable while stuck on a 12 storey high crane hook

We’ve all been there – stuck on top of a crane hook 120 feet in the air teetering above a city. But what should you wear for the occasion? Here are 6 sensible fashion tips that just screams…

O’Leary will continue marketing campaign by launching NDP leadership bid

TORONTO – Reality TV star and former Conservative leadership candidate Kevin O’Leary has announced that he will be running for the NDP leader in an effort continue advertising and selling h…

QUIZ: What should you be doing instead of this quiz?

We all know that internet quizzes are a fun and amazing! Or at the very least, not boring. Am I right? They’re a way to while away the minutes in any given day when you should almost certainly be…

Canada to Kevin O’Leary: “I’m out”

OTTAWA – After a four month long pitch to Canada’s panel of esteemed Conservative voters, the business savvy nation stated that Kevin O’Leary’s purported valuation was “way off” and that th…

Huge Misstep: Is Trump over now that he’s angered Canadian dairy producers?

Unbelievable. It turns out that picking a fight with one of the most powerful and beloved institutions in the world might finally be the thing that brings down Donald Trump. “As a nationalist, I …

British Columbia Election 2017: Party Platforms

BC voters head to the polls on May 9th. Here are some of the major policies for the three largest parties: BC Liberal Party Education: Buy hardhats for teachers willing to do photo ops Transporta…

Man in bloodstained lab coat demands to know what science has done

DEER CREVICE, ON – After grabbing a series of passers-by to tell them that we should never have tried to play God, a bloodstained local scientist has fallen to his knees in the center of to…

Cutting out the middleman: Corporations, unions replace party leaders for next BC election debate

VANCOUVER – British Columbia’s corporate and union interests have announced that they will replace all party leaders with better, more eloquent lobbyists for Wednesday’s televised debate. “…

5 ways to write-off last year’s failed relationships on your taxes

From the first, lust-filled round of craft beer to the eighth break-up bottle of scotch, the arc of your failed 2016 relationships is perfectly documented on the credit card statements you need t…