Exclamation! Numeral adjective pet verb!
Hey, Beaverton readers! We’re excited to announce we’re now posting cute pet listicles! Enjoy! 1) Hey! This adjective pet [dog/cat/other?] is verb my body part associated with emotion [brain/hear…
Facebook all set to remind you of the anniversary of that Minions meme your dead aunt posted
THE INTERNET – Despite you not asking for it even once, Facebook says it’s ready and waiting to remind you of that Minions meme your now-dead aunt posted three years ago. “Remember this?” s…
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Maxime Bernier
Name: Maxime Bernier Background: Maxime Bernier, nicknamed “Mad Max” by the wasteful Department of Unnecessary Nicknames, is Canada’s most libertarian contender in the Conservative Party Leadersh…
Giving first speech at Queen’s Park, 19 year old MPP fails to hide boner
TORONTO – Newly elected MPP Sam Oosterhoff suffered his first political embarrassment this morning when was unable to hide his spontaneous erection while giving his first speech in the legi…
Canadian Porn
The Beaverton investigates the most important CanCon of them all: The Canadian Pornography industry.…
Rug store going out of business for realsies this time
WINNIPEG – Despite a decade and half of claiming that they are going under local rug store Sultan’s Rugs and Fineries has for sure filed for bankruptcy and are closing their doors at the en…
Grey Cup cancelled due to lack of interest
TORONTO – Some CFL fans were disappointed to hear that the League has cancelled the championship game today due to apathy and lack of awareness. Low ticket sales, poor advertising, and Toro…
BREAKING: Minister of Fisheries inches way to top of mast as sharks circle his sinking vessel
INTERNATIONAL WATERS – With the lower decks taking on water and all his life rafts destroyed, Minister of Fisheries Dominic LeBlanc is climbing to the top of his ship’s mast in order to esc…
Canada sends another 100,000 military advisors to northern Iraq
OTTAWA – Insisting once again that Canadian forces in northern Iraq are only there to ‘advise and assist’, the government announced today they would be sending over another 100,000 of them.…
CEO hoping to sexually harass his way out of sexual harassment lawsuit
St-Hyacinthe, QC – Inside sources say that the CEO of Pullman’s Quality Meats, who is being sued by an employee for sexual harassment, is attempting to win the suit with an elaborate plan, …
