The Beaverton renewed for season 2 after writers, cast pass brutal Canadian TV hazing rituals
TORONTO – Bell Media announced today that it has picked up satirical news sensation The Beaverton for another year after the show’s cast and crew successfully completed the demoralizing and…
Report: Not one goddamned pen works in this house
YOUR HOUSE – Early reports indicate that there is not a single, goddamned pen that works in this house. The revelation became apparent immediately after you needed to write something down t…
150 Canadians to celebrate on Canada’s sesquicentennial, except I could only think of 8
Canada’s 150th anniversary is just around the bend, and to celebrate, we’re shining the spotlight on 150 — count ‘em: 150! — noteworthy Canadians! It’s a huge number, but with a nation as great a…
Bernier furious over lack of regulation in Conservative voting process
OTTAWA – Failed Tory leadership candidate and avowed libertarian Maxime Bernier is reportedly furious that there wasn’t proper oversight and controls in place to ensure a fair voting proces…
The Beaverton Remembers: The Completion of The CN Tower
Where were you when Toronto unveiled the ‘definitely not a penis’ CN Tower?…
“Why can’t you be more fun?” by your upstairs neighbour at 4am on a Tuesday
I am a super fun guy. Everyone says it. I go to a lot of parties and at every one there’s always, like, a girl or two who’s like, “Hey, I love your viking hat. You must be a super fun…
Judge finds assaulted woman guilty of seeking justice
EDMONTON – Two year after unjustly jailing her after she came forward about her sexual assault, Alberta Judge Raymond Bodnarek has found 28 year old Angela Cardinal guilty of seeking justic…
Firefighters rescue man from shower who forgot towel
NEWMARKET, ON – A dramatic scene unfolded earlier this morning after a towel-less man was rescued from his shower by firefighters. The shivering man survived an agonizing 20 minutes before …
Andrew Scheer promises to lead Tories to majority in 1974 election
OTTAWA – Newly elected Leader of the Opposition Andrew Scheer has promised his fellow Conservatives that his agenda and policies will successfully allow them to form a government after the …
Torrie Lauren
After she got fired from The Blaze, we just had to hire her.…
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