TORONTO — Controversial University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson has scrapped plans for a website built to identify and harass other profs after discovering an existing website called “Twitter”.
“So users can already use Twitter to anonymously direct harassment towards SJWs and cultural marxists? Cool!” responded the UofT Psychology Prof who has gained popularity among the internet’s ‘alt right’. “I was gonna pay to develop a whole website just for that, but now I just get to keep all that money I crowdfunded.”
“Plus,” Peterson added, “have you seen that We Rate Dogs account? Hilarious!”
Peterson’s proposed website would have allowed students to enter course information, then used the info to classify courses the professor disagrees with as “postmodern Social Justice Warriors”. Upon learning that this harassment function is already easily provided by Twitter, as well as other sites like Reddit, 4Chan, and AltTheRightMoves.rus, Peterson has announced plans to continue his crusade on those platforms.
“Professor Peterson taught me that any attempt by neo-Marxists to protest him or stifle his free speech is wrong,” insisted self-described Peterson disciple Chad Morton, 19. “That’s why I’m gonna hop on Twitter and use my 15 anonymous accounts to post those professors’ home addresses.”
Upon comparing the Twitter platform to his own website plans, Peterson continued to be impressed. “Twitter has already allowed me to automate how I refuse to use people’s preferred gender pronouns – what a time saver! Next, if it turns out that people on Twitter are also angry about women’s studies, ethnic studies, and racial studies, then I think old Jordan’s gonna like Twitter just fine.”
Reached for comment, representatives for the University of Toronto would much rather you focus on the new menu in the Student Union.
At press time, Peterson realized he’s been so busy crowdfunding that he hasn’t actually taught a class since 2015.