FREDERICTON, NB – Local father Andrew Stevens is, according to everyone who knows him, an excellent father who gets the privilege of spending a lot of quality time with his two children, Hunter and Isabel. However sources indicate that, in the future, 100% of the children’s memories about their father will be of him talking about – or demonstrating – his being in a state of pure exhaustion.
“I remember we would wake dad up at five in the morning,” future Isabel will reminisce about her childhood. “And he would shuffle around mumbling. ‘So early… who wants to take a nap?… why is it so early?’ Then he would lie down on the floor and we would jump on top of him for a couple hours. Those were the golden years”
Both Hunter and Isabel will, at future dinner parties, quote their favourite words of wisdom from their father, like, “I should have gone to bed when you did”, and “Why do you have so much energy? And why am I a mere husk of a man?”
Andrew, who does not suffer from any mental or physical clinical condition besides parenthood, will be fondly remembered by Hunter for his efforts driving his children to a dizzying array of extra-curricular activities. “He would pick us up at the rec centre with this far away look on his face, like the tide of his soul was at its lowest ebb, and his mouth wide open. And then he’d say ‘I did it. I made it through another day without falling asleep driving.’”
Even at Stevens’ funeral, many years from now, Hunter and Isabel will both give long, flowery eulogies praising the qualities of the man who raised them, and every single anecdote they use to illustrate their love for their father will include at least one example of Andrew yawning, muttering the word ‘tired’ repeatedly, or putting his pants on backwards because he stayed up late the night before waiting for his teen child to come home.
Isabel and Hunter’s favourite anecdote about their father will be the Christmas when they wake to find their father asleep beside the Christmas tree, clutching scissors and wrapping paper, surrounded by unwrapped presents. “He had no choice but to concede there was no Santa Claus immediately,” Isabel will recall with a warm twinkle in her eye. “And then he slouched up the stairs and into bed, saying under his breath ‘I shouldn’t have drank that warm milk.’”
Eventually Hunter will hang a portrait of his father in his study. Under the portrait will be a quote: “I can’t remember the last time I got eight consecutive hours of sleep. Stop it. Please stop doing that. That’s my face. Oh God, I’m so tired.”