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“Parents’ Rights” protestors describe what they think is being taught in schools
Singh announces that he also here
Pretending to be flight attendant closest Poilievre has been to having a real job
10 most controversial policies passed at the Conservative Party convention
Fuck! Group of teens just noticed you
White kid’s name spelled normally
“Where am I? What year is it?” asks man who just woke up from 30 minute nap
Friend has been rich this whole time
Man who hates Toronto worried Olivia Chow will ruin it
Mayor-elect Olivia Chow currently riding bike to go do donuts on Doug Ford’s lawn
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
Ford warns Chow mayoralty will cause Toronto’s collapse, also cause last 13 years of collapse
Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again
Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago
Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane
Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow
Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver
Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop
Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw
Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes
Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter
Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one
York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam
Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s
Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt
Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation
Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews
OCAD University: University Reviews 2014
NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government
Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority
90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party
Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
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India issues advisory warning travellers against assassinating people in Canada
Report: Mom not too keen on Charles
United Kingdom considered powerful nation despite needing 3 days to put hat on old man
Harry hopes publicizing struggles will help ordinary people with their own world-famous royal families
Repeat offender granted bail
Fired employee indicted for stealing from workplace
Breaking: Trump indicted for the thing you thought he was indicted for last time
“Ohh, I guess mirrors are woke now too?” claims conservative POC
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history
Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice
July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
Sports
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
Toxic Actions of Toxic Coach of Toxic Sport in Toxic League exposed by Toxic Host of Toxic Podcast on Toxic Website
Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year
“The Leafs re-signing their best player is bad for them actually,” says brilliant hockey sage
Business
Business
Meeting on grocery prices stalls as CEOs send Trudeau to self-serve negotiator
To combat self-checkout theft, stores experimenting with new human cashier pilot program
Read our letter threatening to sue Mark Zuckerberg
Canada’s grocery companies pretending not to hear about falling inflation rate
Culture
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Writers Guild members celebrate deal by coming up with excuses to do writing later
Film with predominantly Asian cast doesn’t feature Awkwafina
Most popular TV show in each Province
Elon Musk patiently waits for Zuckerberg to leave his house so he can knock on door and run
Hero driver taps lightly on brakes before plowing into cyclist
Man saves years of accumulated time by referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev”
Man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here finally identified: Marty Williams of Scarborough
Local dryer really making a meal out of this “Your laundry is done” jingle
Liberals support gender affirming surgery provided trans people can find a doctor
Opinion: Why do we need a cure for diabetes when I don’t have it?
REPORT: Ignoring suffering of others linked to optimism
Chill as fuck medicine okay to consume with alcohol
EDITORIAL: Why I’m not letting my kids use social media except the YouTube channel they star in that pays our mortgage
Editorial: I protested at Trudeau’s Belleville visit and personally saw him eat six babies
Has feminism gone too far? A woman was mean to me
OPINION: I know nothing on your subject, and I’ll never concede defeat. Debate me!
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention
EDITORIAL: Why I’m not letting my kids use social media except the YouTube channel they star in that pays our mortgage
World’s climate scientists recommend having only as many children as you plan to eat
Parent who should absolutely never have had children demands say in child’s education
93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview
Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles
Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th
LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.
ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.
UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
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Devastating: Woman forgets “R” in email to Pedro
Most popular TV show in each Province
Justin Trudeau and 10 other Marxists you should know
5 solutions to fix housing prices that are never, ever making them less expensive
You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?
You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?
You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?
You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?
Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele
Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election
QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?
Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic
Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis
Canadians react to Pierre Poilievre’s “sexy” makeover
Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design
How To Go Vegan…Next Week
Guide To: Edmonton
Guide To: St.John’s
How To Lose Weight
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