Kingston, ON – Local dentist Todd Holmes announced his plans to spend even more money on his completely lacklustre photography hobby.
“Last year I probably spent over $10,000 on gear and prints,” said Holmes as he sprayed duster into the wrong part of a camera he had no business owning. “But now I’m looking to kick things up a notch and spend even more! I saw a lens thing that costs over $8,000. I’m not entirely sure what it does, or how to use it, or if I even need it, but I’m definitely going to buy it!”
Holmes’ love affair with the photographic arts began when he bought an Canon DSLR with an EF 135mm lens after one of his patients – a working photographer- mentioned he’d finally saved enough to buy his own.
“The second he left my office I thought to myself: hey, I could totally afford to buy that! So I went to the Canons [sic] website and bought the most expensive DDLSR [sic] camera they had,” said Holmes, as he hung one of his latest pieces in his waiting room. “I didn’t even bother with price comparisons, or specs since that stuff is totally meaningless to me, a wealthy dilettante!”
$10,000 later Holmes was snapping inexpertly framed portraits of his wife, out of focus shots of his sailboat the “Hey Gabardine!”, and dozens of overexposed pictures of a bench near his house.
While Holmes’ new hobby won’t affect him financially, his social circle wonders whether he should invest some of his money into worthwhile causes, like a photography class.
“The issue is that the one time I suggested he take a photography course he responded by buying a $900 tripod,” said Mary Palluk, a friend of Holmes. “Luckily, he hasn’t been able to show us any new photos ever since he installed that skylight in his dark room.”
At press time, Todd was spotted at a sporting goods store getting duped by a clerk into buying a $5000 racing bike.