After once again losing at Roll Up The Rim, local man breaks down and buys Jet Ski - The Beaverton

After once again losing at Roll Up The Rim, local man breaks down and buys Jet Ski

Peterborough, ON – Suffering yet another horrific loss at Tim Horton’s quasi-gambling game, , Scott Heller has decided that he can’t live a day longer without a .

“I think something broke inside me when I read that word, réesayez”, said a distraught Heller. “I failed grade nine French but I knew what it meant. You’re never getting that Jetski.”

After crying for several hours in full view of Tim Horton’s staff and patrons, and buying three Boston Cream donuts, Heller says that he came to a realization.

“I thought to myself, I’m not letting another damn cup tell me how to live my life!” It was at that point Scott began looking for Jet Skies on Kijiji using the Timmies’ wifi. After contacting several sellers and losing twice more on a medium French Vanilla and Large steeped tea, Heller met Frank Miller in the Tim Horton’s parking lot.

“I knew I had a sale as soon as I saw the guy” remembers Miller. “He had the look of a man who had drank way too much caffeine and whose hopes and dreams were crushed by a non-recyclable paper cup.”

The two bargained for nearly fifteen minutes until Miller agreed to sell his 2002 Kawasaki Ultra 250X JetSki to Scott.

“I have no regrets” Heller said confidently, unaware that if he had only saved the money he spent at Tim Horton’s he would have been able to afforded a brand new Jetski and avoided type 2 diabetes.

Want more satire in your life? Check out the Beaverton Podcast!