9 adorable Halloween outfits that will be offensive in 5 years
Ever had to censor a Throwback Thursday post because your parents decided to dress you as ‘Dreamcatcher Girl’ or ‘Generic Mexican’? Although it may seem like the days of offensive Halloween costu…
Wow! These laid off coal miners have retrained as social media influencers
Move over Trump! You’re not the only one bringing jobs back to coal miners. Once so-called victims of today’s highly automated economy, these seventeen former employees of Teck Resources Ltd. hav…
Wifi-enabled coffee maker ruins breakfast after spending another late night online
MARKHAM, ON—Winston and Claudette Reid say their wifi-enabled coffee maker has become dysfunctional, withdrawn, and that it spends an excessive amount of time surfing the internet. “It’s programm…
Marketing campaign for Thor: Ragnarok gets out of hand after giant wolf eats the sun
BURBANK, CA – Marvel Studios have issued an apology for inadvertently triggering the real Ragnarök with the marketing campaign for the latest installment in the Thor franchise. “I want to b…
Royal Canadian Mint announces new quarter not commemorating anything
OTTAWA – In a bold move, shattering years of public expectations, the Royal Canadian Mint has announced plans for a new circulation quarter that will not commemorate any person, place, or e…
Which Pennywise will you fuck this Halloween?
Attending an adult Halloween party serves one goal and one goal only: How can you get laid while only feeling mildly inappropriate for sleeping with an institution from your childhood? If you wer…
Old German neighbour was probably just a cook or something
Waterloo, ON – After year of speculation experts agree the seemingly pleasant 95 year old German man, Charles Müller, probably just served as a cook or some other low level position during …
Quebec judge probably a little flattered by attention of judicial council, media
QUEBEC CITY – The court of public opinion has decided that Judge Jean-Paul Braun is probably enjoying the attention he is getting from the media and Quebec’s magistrate’s council now that his beh…
Settlers of Catalan declare independence, free ore and sheep for all
CATALONIA — Citizens of the Catalan region have voted to declare independence from Spain, while also promising free resource cards for all settlers. Thousands of settlers took to the street…
Friend with slow cooker suggests you get a slow cooker
MONCTON – Sources indicate that your friend, local data processor Jason Murray, has once again urged you to follow his lead and buy a slow cooker – the third such incident in the past…
