To avoid politicizing tragedy, Republicans suggest debating gun control once America goes a week without a gun death
Luke and the Panel (Aisha Brown, Tim Rabnett and Aaron Hagey-MacKay) discuss the absurdity of the ‘don’t politicize this issue’ point after the tragedy in Las Vegas (2:30), why …
Renowned geneticist dismisses own earlier warnings about uprising of evil clones
BRUSSELS — Pre-eminent geneticist Dr. Javier Arantes stunned colleagues at the opening of the International Academy of Life Sciences (IALS) conference with a keynote speech celebrating the potent…
Report: Julie Payette already bored
OTTAWA – Early reports indicate that Canada’s 29th Governor General Julie Payette is already bored of being the Queen’s representative in Canada. The former astronaut and engineer who was o…
Method actor Jared Leto prepares for his role as Hugh Hefner by publishing nude photos of famous women without their consent
LOS ANGELES – In order to prepare for his role as Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, Jared Leto is taking method acting to a new plateau by publishing naked photos of female celebrities against t…
Point/Counterpoint: “There are plenty of fish in the sea” VS. “Actually, there AREN’T plenty of fish in the sea”
POINT: There are plenty of fish in the sea By Crystal Benjamin, best friend Hey, listen, I know it hurts. Right now you feel like you might never love again. But the truth is, there are plenty of…
New iPhone comes pre-loaded with details of your family’s dark secrets
SILICON VALLEY – In a paradigm-changing announcement, Apple has confirmed that the new version of the iPhone will come already knowing everything there is to know about the unpleasant thing…
Question Period: New NDP leader delivers eloquent takedown directly into television set playing CPAC
TORONTO – Newly minted NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has demonstrated his passion and fervour by delivering a blistering question to his television screen that was featuring CPAC’s Question Peri…
David Schwimmer reports OJ Simpson won’t leave his home or stop calling him Robert Kardashian
LOS ANGELES – After playing his deceased best friend Robert Kardashian on the hit television series American Crime Story, OJ Simpson, now released from a nine-year prison sentence, refuses …
Nation excited to briefly consider Jagmeet Singh before giving Trudeau a second term
TORONTO – After Jagmeet Singh secured the leadership of the Federal New Democratic Party, all of Canada is excited to think about supporting the party in next federal election before giving…
The Beaverton’s NHL preview 2017-2018
The biggest question in the 2017-2018 season is this: Will Canada snap it’s 23 year drought and finally bring Lord Stanley home? The Beaverton takes a look at each Canadian team’s chances: The Va…
