Modern life can be so hectic, it seems like there is never enough time to get things done. To help out we’ve put together this super helpful list of sneaky tricks to maximize your time and minimize yo...
Do you hear “Yanny,” “Laurel,” or “Kill them…kill them all?”
An argument over a computer generated voice has broke the internet with millions of people taking sides. Yesterday, a vlogger posted a rather innocuous question what the voice was saying (clearly “Kil...
Ontario leaders blame their platform miscalculations on poor provincial math curriculum
TORONTO – Ontario leaders have placed the blame on the province’s math curriculum claiming it was inadequate to prepare them for proposing political platforms that involve numbers and basi...
Trudeau brokers solution to Notley/Horgan dispute by personally killing John Horgan
VICTORIA – Proving once again that he’s able to bring premiers to the table and force compromise, Justin Trudeau has put an end to Alberta and B.C.’s pipeline dispute by personally bludgeoning J...
Life Hack: This millennial is retiring early by being born in 1954
Millennials have had a rough ride. And while early retirement may seem impossible to the young demographic taking over the workforce, this millennial has figured out a quick and easy shortcut to finan...
Local woman in $108 Roots sweatpants, ‘I look homeless’
BARRIE, ON – Sporting a carefully constructed hair-bun aimed at looking effortless and a new pair of Roots sweatpants that cost $108, Alyssa Kruse bemoaned that she looked homeless. Kruse explained th...
Jack-of-all-trades unemployable in most trades
TIMMINS, ON – Self-proclaimed “Jack-of-all-trades” Harvey Koppel has been unemployed for the last 18 months after finding that his broad-ranging skills did not translate to the workforce. Koppel...
Ford promises killing Greenbelt will finally allow oil pipeline between Barrie and Oshawa
TORONTO – Showing once again his keen mind for policy, Doug Ford has promised that destroying the Ontario Greenbelt will finally allow the kind of oil pipeline development that Canada has been s...
Parents told their baby ‘looks just like them’ mistakenly interpret that as a compliment
Stratford, ON – Local couple Malorie Lester and Richard Finkel are under the woefully inaccurate impressions that their friends and family were being positive when they told them their new baby,...
Winnipeg strikers demand casual Fridays
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. May 15th, 1919 WINNIPEG – Thousands of striking workers have paralyzed Ma...
