Jack-of-all-trades unemployable in most trades - The Beaverton

Jack-of-all-trades unemployable in most trades

TIMMINS, ON – Self-proclaimed “Jack-of-all-trades” Harvey Koppel has been unemployed for the last 18 months after finding that his broad-ranging skills did not translate to the workforce.

Koppel became dismayed following a rejection from a position as a web developer. The polymath entered the aforementioned interview assuring the tech company that he could do “a little of this and a little of that.”

“Instead of wasting my time mastering dental hygienistry or plumbing, I chose to thumb through the pictures of old issues of National Geographic to gain a cursory knowledge of world politics,” said Koppel defiantly.

Among his many areas of vague expertise, Koppel cites an amateur understanding of viticulture, an approximate knowledge of jiu-jitsu, and superficial grasp on Eastern European diplomacy.

Koppel was reportedly unnerved by how disinterested employers were to acquire his talents since society has long since admired Renaissance men, so long as they come from money.

“I’ve often been told I’m quite charming and well-read, despite never having read a book to completion,” exclaimed the stressed Koppel. “I’ll have you know I do exceptionally well at dinner parties. I could fudge my way through any conversation!”

When pressed for information about his education, Koppel muttered that he had basically completed a humanities degree.

At press time, the global citizen is dire need of lodging as he was recently evicted for failure to make rent.

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