EDMONTON – Fresh off the Trans Mountain pipeline nationalization announcement, a confident Alberta Premier has reassured the world that undiluted bitumen is completely safe by eating some of it....
Trend Alert! Plastic straws are out, shaming people for using them is in
The British Invasion is back and better than ever, thanks to Theresa May’s anti-straw ban that will soon take effect in UK. North America is in a tizzy over this season’s most revolting accessory R...
Airliner permits woman’s comfort whale onto plane
VANCOUVER – An Air Canada spokesperson has confirmed that a Vancouver woman has been allowed to take her comfort humpback whale onto an international flight from Vancouver to Hawaii. A passenger...
BREAKING: Roseanne hired as White House press secretary
WASHINGTON D.C. — After her rebooted sitcom was cancelled by ABC following the star’s racist tweets, actress Roseanne Barr has been hired as press secretary for the Trump White House. The tweets...
Justin Trudeau joins long list of passionate environmentalists who own, operate oil pipelines
OTTAWA – With today’s announcement that his government would be purchasing the Trans Mountain pipeline from Kinder Morgan, Prime Minister Trudeau has become just the latest committed climate cha...
Meet the Doug Ford campaign’s hotshot economist: Frank, who is a good guy
ETOBICOKE, ON – With the Conservatives still polling strongly, party insiders say the secret to Ford’s ongoing success is the brilliance of chief economic advisor Frank: a good buddy who’s helped Doug...
Men: Here are 5 ways to get your slim, ripped winter body into peak “Dad Bod” for summer
Hey single men out there, we all know how hard it is to maintain that soft, perfect dad bod shape, the one that makes the ladies say, “Oh yeah, he’s definitely good father material.” We’ve all done it...
Canadian travelling abroad names every Canadian celebrity in order to validate Canadian identity
BERLIN – While travelling through Europe this past week, Adam De Sousa spouted off every single Canadian celebrity in an erie unbroken 38 minute monologue in order to assert that he was indeed C...
Maxime Bernier claims he doesn’t have white privilege due to systemic bias he faces for being an asshole
OTTAWA – After a twitter confrontation in which he accused MP Celina Caesar-Chavannes of “thinking the world revolves around [her] skin colour”, former CPC leadership candidate Maxime Bernier has clai...
Embarrassed scientists reveal alien radio signal was actually meant for a planet behind us
Mountain View, CA—Astronomers at the SETI Institute have confirmed that a radio signal originated from an advanced alien civilization, but was intended for a different planet behind Earth. “This was a...
