WATERLOO, ON – University professor and free-speech champion Jordan Peterson is bravely stepping up to fight back against some “really mean stuff” said about him by professors at Wilfrid Laurier...
Incredible! The last surviving veteran of the War of 1812 just died
In a sign of the true end of a prominent era of our nation’s history, the Canadian government today confirmed the passing of Lieutenant James Montclief: the last surviving Canadian veteran of the War ...
Dad with cellphone holster not fucking around during trip to beach
VANCOUVER – A local father of two was spotted wearing a heavy-duty nylon phone holster at Kits Beach yesterday. Several eyewitnesses reported that the holster was rugged yet surprisingly sleek a...
Disney executives pleased to announce acquisition of PornHub
MONTREAL – Expanding their media streaming portfolio, Disney executives announced Tuesday that the company has acquired Canadian adult entertainment site, Pornhub. The entertainment behemoth, wh...
Cabinet Minister breastfeeding during question period on marijuana legalization in your grandpa’s nightmares
OTTAWA – Speaking to reporters on the lawn of his placid retirement community, your grandpa announced this morning that he had had a vivid nightmare yesterday in which the Minister of Democratic...
REPORT: 70% of factory work stoppages due to unexpected conveyor belt chases
LAVAL, QC – Looking to find the cause of recent productivity losses, a report published Monday by the National Industrialist Survey says that 70% of all factory work stoppages are due at least i...
Toronto police bravely liberate park-goers from bottle of rosé
TORONTO – The Toronto Police Services are celebrating the bravery shown by officer Brian Murnane today as he successfully confiscated a bottle of wine in Trinity Bellwoods Park, restoring peace ...
QUIZ: Which member of Smash Mouth should you euthanize
Summmm BODY once told me that euthanasia is a compassionate response to unbearable physical pain. But the meteor men beg to differ! Pain can be mental, especially if you’re Smash Mouth. Look, all four...
Service dogs now trained to assist women who provide emotional labour
GUELPH, ON – As part of a pilot program introduced this spring at the University of Guelph, the roles of service dogs trained to support mental health are being expanded to include assistance fo...
Stoned Canadians pretty sure government legalized pot last year
GUELPH, ON – Upon being advised that the Senate had finally voted to legalize marijuana a large and lethargic group of Canadians reported confusion, as they were fairly confident that happened s...
