WINNIPEG — After watching both new documentaries about the infamous Fyre Fest, as well as copious other reporting, local barista Geoff Markson now wishes he could attend the disastrous music fes...
Salami industry issues their own food guide mainly consisting of Salami
OTTAWA – In response to Health Canada’s new food guide that emphasises a plant based diet and unprocessed food, the salami industry has produced its own rival food and nutrition guide, the New F...
Report: There are a bunch of cities outside Toronto with their own streets and buildings and stuff
TORONTO – In a recent report released by the Canadian Geographical Society, there appear to be upwards of 10 cities outside of Toronto that not only have a bunch of buildings and houses within t...
Going Public: This pensioner was overcharged on her car insurance so we brutally murdered the people responsible
A senior driver was shocked to discover that her insurance company was over-billing her with an added premium she never asked for, but justice has been served since our Going Public Team brutally murd...
Tories claim leaked health care privatization docs merely drafts that reflect their ultimate goals and intentions
TORONTO – Responding to multiple document leaks that indicate the government will privatize significant parts of Ontario’s health care services, the Ford government assured Ontarians that these ...
Referee reverses call after man yells at TV loud enough
ORILLIA, ON – Upon hearing that he’d made a “bullshit call” from a distant voice that powered its way through the television screen, an NHL referee reversed his penalty decision this evening aga...
Tories double-down on using Heritage Minutes to blame Trudeau for 1850s Irish refugee crisis
TORONTO – Despite requests not to use Heritage Minutes for political purposes by its creators, the Conservative Party of Canada has released a new attack ad using the 1991 Heritage Minute on Iri...
Totally Retro! US kicks it old school with dangerous arms race against Russia
It’s like, time to get totally radical because the United States government is returning to the 80’s with neon colours, Duran Duran and no treaties to prevent nuclear war. The whole thing started when...
‘Chivalry is dead,’ whines man who has never once presided over a village of unwashed peasants
TORONTO – After a disappointing first date in which he felt his romantic gestures went unappreciated, Mike Peterson mourned the demise of chivalry, despite having never led an army, competed in ...
Republicans furious to see Obama running for third term
Washington D.C – Republicans have expressed outrage today at the news that a man whom they are positive is former President Barack Obama has entered the race for democratic nominee, vying for hi...
