PHILADELPHIA – Mayhem broke out at the Wells Fargo Center this evening, when a Flyers practice was interrupted as an interdimensional portal opened up with several grizzled looking NHL mascots p...
Ontario Healthcare system cuts budget by using Flintstones chewable vitamins for everything
TORONTO – Ontario Hospitals and Pharmacies formally announced their plans to cut costs and benefit the taxpayer by switching all medicines and therapies to Flintstones chewable vitamins. “This t...
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But hey, ...
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our beloved Nan...
Yes, nauseous woman is sure she’s not pregnant
TORONTO – In a revelation that shocked many of her male friends and coworkers yesterday, 30-year-old Lisa Rogers assured anyone who would listen that the nausea she was experiencing was due to a...
Parents trying to decipher alternative school’s crystal-based report cards
VANCOUVER – Sherri and Tucker Jackson love the support and individualized learning their daughter Braylyn receives at her alternative elementary school, but they were slightly confused when Bray...
Journalists running dangerously low on disaster metaphors to describe SNC-Lavalin affair
OTTAWA – A drought of new disaster metaphors have struck Canada’s journalists and columnists covering the high profile SNC-Lavalin affair. Dozens of reporters from The Globe and Mail, CBC, The T...
New study shows best place in Canada to be a woman is Kingston, worst place is Trudeau’s cabinet
KINGSTON, ON – The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternative have published their yearly rankings of the best and worst places in Canada to be a woman, with Kingston, Ontario coming in as the best ...
Actor Luke Perry dies at age – what? 52 years old? That can’t be right
HOLLYWOOD — Following a sudden stroke, beloved actor Luke Perry has died in hospital at the age of, huh, 52, okay there is no damn way that Dylan McKay was 52 years old. Known worldwide for his ...
Man with unpopular opinion deploys new tactic of yelling a bit louder
Mississauga, ON – In the throes of a heated argument at a birthday brunch, local man Dennis Richardson found his ignorant, ill-formed, and unpopular opinions were not being given the proper resp...
