Chronically late man still finds time to check Instagram
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Running a shocking 35 minutes behind on his morning routine Bill Benson, 29, had nevertheless found time to prioritize what’s important in his life: checking in on social …
Local man still waving his hand in front of automated sink sensor
REGINA — Reports indicate that local man Cameron Watts, 34, is still trapped inside the bathroom of a local Outback Steakhouse, futilely waving his unwashed hands in front of the non-respon…
Father-in-law’s sphincter audibly tightens as son-in-law displays emotion
PINCHER CREEK, AB – Creating a clearly audible noise similar to the straining of an already-tight rubber band, local father-in-law Ken Gardner squeezed his anal sphincter shut at the sight …
BOMBSHELL: Brett Kavanaugh’s 1982 day planner introduces evidence that Styx rules
WASHINGTON – After extensive examination by the Senate Judiciary Committee, a calendar from 1982 – submitted by Supreme Court hopeful Brett Kavanaugh to disprove allegations that he c…
Local couple celebrates anniversary with cellphone lit dinner
EDMONTON – After three years together, Joseph Webber and Nina Crawford celebrated their relationship with an unforgettable night out staring at their phones. The two began by reading up on Yelp f…
NB’s People’s Alliance willing to negotiate with other parties so long as they expel remaining Acadians
FREDERICTON – The anti-francophone party that now holds three seats in New Brunswick’s Legislature said that they’re willing to negotiate with either the Liberals or Progressive Conservativ…
Justin Trudeau campaigns for Security Council seat by wearing traditional United Nations outfit
Luke and the Panel (Miguel Rivas, Alessandra Vite and Callum Wratten) are excited to talk about the news and do fun Australian accents. They do a deep dive into the Brett Kavanaugh scandal, recap…
Backpack designers add separate compartment for the rotting fruit you’ve forgotten about
TORONTO – For the added convenience of the forgetful person, developers of backpacks and handbags are adding an additional compartment for all of the decomposing pieces of fruit that you pu…
Groundbreaking Montreal artist shocks community by changing ‘Arrêt’ sign to ‘Art’
MONTREAL — A subversive piece of public art has sent tremors through the Montreal art community and the city at large: At the corner of Rachel and Mont-Royal an unnamed artist has transform…
A&W now only serving chicken raised without antibiotics, hope for the future
NORTH VANCOUVER, BC – Following the success of progressive initiatives like paper straws and the Beyond Meat burger, A&W Canada, who has already committed to using chickens raised witho…
