Husky 12-year-old in dance recital winks seductively into audience of parents
SURREY, BC – According to sources in attendance at Simpkins Dance Academy’s annual all-ages showcase last Saturday, a 12-year-old dancer tossed her head irreverently to the side, and winked…
Woman always on vacation in your Instagram feed actually cocaine smuggler
PLAYA DEL CARMEN, MEXICO – After taking a series selfies in a tropical beach paradise, the gorgeous woman in your Instagram feed who always seems to be on vacation loaded a boat full of coc…
REPORT: Everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it constantly
FORT MCMURRAY, AB – Confirming longtime suspicions, evidenced reports are coming in which confirm that, yes, everyone remembers that awkward thing you did last year and they talk about it c…
Woman less mad at cheating boyfriend and more in awe of his time management skills
VICTORIA, BC – During an argument with her boyfriend, Theresa Stover discovered that she isn’t so much mad as she is impressed by her cheating boyfriend, Devon Caputo’s, time management abi…
Canadian Blood Services desperately seeking 22,000 donors to avoid letting gay men donate blood
OTTAWA – Canadian Blood Services says it is in urgent need of new donors before Labour Day, or else it may have to resort to the drastic measure of reversing an arbitrary ban on receiving d…
STUDY: Sunbeam through window proves cat dusty
OTTAWA – Vexing people with allergies, a series of afternoon sunbeams through a window have proven that a local cat emits a surprising number of dust particles after moving or scratching it…
Trump insists tape of him using n-word doesn’t exist, was just a joke, and also is the best tape of anybody using any slur
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following the release of an audio recording of candidate Donald Trump’s aides discussing how to spin an alleged tape of the former reality TV host using the n-word, the …
Trust me, being a city councillor is nothing
By Doug Ford Folks, by now I’m sure you’ve heard that my bill to cut the number of Toronto city councillors in half has passed. And you’ve probably been hearing a lot from said councillors about …
Dempster Highway to be renamed after bread company’s sponsorship ends
DAWSON CITY, YT – The 737 km highway stretch that connects Yukon to the Arctic Ocean in Tuktoyaktuk, NWT will be renamed after the Canada Bread subsidiary and the territorial governments pa…
Maxime Bernier blames multicultural extremists for plotting Winnipeg’s Folklorama
WINNIPEG – In yet another illustration of what he calls ‘multicultural extremism,’ Conservative MP Maxime Bernier has slammed the diversity fanatics at Winnipeg’s Folklorama for plotting a …
