Report: 6 out of 10 school children will be sucked into an arcade game and forced to compete for survival
OTTAWA – A recent national study found that 60% of Canadian students will be sucked into a dusty arcade machine and forced to desperately fight for their lives in an alternate video game di…
Drug dealer reverses long-standing policy of ‘snitches get stitches’
TORONTO – Premier of Ontario and former hash dealer Doug Ford has announced the creation of a website where parents can report if their child’s teacher is not adhering to the PC mandated se…
Quiz: Should you go Camping, Glamping, or Jamping, a term I just made up and will gradually define over the quiz?
Everybody likes to enjoy the great outdoors. Some like to rough it while camping. Some like to enjoy the high scale comforts of glamping. Some like jamping, a word designed to fit the structure o…
UN condemns Canada’s cruel and unusual treatment of mobile phone customers
NEW YORK – The UN General Assembly has condemned Canada’s ill treatment of millions of its cell phone customers by the country’s corporate telecommunication juntas. The resolution that call…
How dare Trudeau attack this hardworking Canadian heckler who we shouldn’t ask any further questions about
By Andrew Scheer As leader of the Conservative Party of Canada, I am outraged that Justin Trudeau publicly slammed a decent, law-abiding constituent who asked him a fair question and deserves no …
Netflix producer caught releasing dozens of bad movies into local river
HOLLYWOOD – A Netflix producer is facing charges after being caught dumping a number of god-awful movies into a local river. Residents began to report an excremental stench several weeks ag…
Weeks later and nothing has changed for accountant who starred in Fringe show
WINNIPEG, MB – Several weeks after starring in a nine-day run of his one-person show, “Pobody’s Nerfect,” absolutely nothing has changed in the life of local accountant Ryan Ward, whose dre…
Grade eight student really banking on new sneakers to turn things around for him
Hamilton, ON – After a tumultuous grade seven school year, Steven Littlewood 13, of Middleberry Public school has decided a new pair of running shoes will surely change everything. “I…
Nanalan’: Canadian television treasure or collective children’s fever dream
Childhood, a time of innocence and also being a child, when the candy doesn’t hurt your teeth and movies are always just under 90 minutes. If you grew up in the late 1990s, you would remember how…
Local fly is certain THIS window is the way out
LIVING ROOM – A local fly is convinced that after numerous false starts and window collisions, he’s finally figured out how to get back outside. “I’m feeling really good about this window,”…
