NIAGARA FALLS – A recently U.S. proposal to demand 5 years of social media history from travellers has hit a snag, as American customs agents were wholly overwhelmed by the sheer volume of Peter...
“Am I invading Venezuela for oil or to distract from Epstein?” Trump asks coatrack
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Sources report President Donald J. Trump was seen questioning his own motivations behind a series of shocking recent moves in Venezuela, along with a close confidant who was lat...
Progressive Conservative joins Progressive Conservative party
OTTAWA – In a stunning move, progressive conservative MP Michael Ma crossed the floor Thursday to the progressive conservative Liberal Party, just a few weeks after similar minded progressive co...
Local man would be angrier about Liberal’s undemocratic floor-crossing scheme if it wasn’t so funny to imagine Poilievre’s face
OTTAWA – Local voter Martin Kofman finds it appalling that the Liberals have clearly hatched a plan to obtain the majority government voters denied them by luring Conservative MPs to cross the f...
Supreme Court of Canada to donate robes to mall Santas in need
OTTAWA – The Supreme Court of Canada has announced it will donate its recently decommissioned crimson fur robes to mall Santas in need. The iconic red and white robes were officially replaced earlier ...
Air Transat strike averted, reads man who now has to fly home for holidays
CALGARY – Air Transat has reached a tentative deal with its pilot union, narrowly avoiding a strike on the cusp of the busy holiday travel period, meaning that Francois Tremblay, 32, will indeed...
TTC promises to get Finch West LRT travel time under 24 hours
“If we get signal priority sorted, you should be able to get from Finch West to Humber in only a standard business day.” Luke and the Panel (Nile Seguin, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) ...
ChatGPT cleans up hard drive to procrastinate writing your boring essay
VANCOUVER, BC – When prompted to complete your boring essay, ChatGPT chose to spend the night performing a full system cleanup on your computer instead. Sure you were assigned to write 10,000 wo...
Canadian Ambassador resigns after Pete Hegseth accidentally blows her up
WASHINGTON D.C. – Canadian Ambassador to the United States Kirsten Hillman has abruptly resigned from her post after Secretary of War Pete Hegseth accidentally launched a high-caliber anti-ship missil...
Man in his thirties having trouble finding friends because he actually sucks
Local Pub, Everywhere – Local man Fred Marston has realized how tough it is making friends in your thirties, especially when you’re kind of terrible. “It ain’t easy as you get older to meet new ...
