CANADA – After beginning a trade war with Canada over its refusal to join the United States, Donald Trump this week said he expects Canada to come to him and say “sir, we are sorry,” for the bre...
University assigns Cornell 7 to get ChatGPT to write their essays
ITHICA, NY – As punishment for drugging and gang-raping a young woman for over seven hours in 2024, Cornell University has assigned the seven known perpetrators to make ChatGPT generate their essays. ...
Child’s imaginary restaurant acquired, shuttered by private equity
BRANDON, MB – 4-year-old Mikaela Hermer’s imaginary restaurant, in which she served invisible hot dogs and ice cream to her parents and friends, has filed for bankruptcy after being acquir...
Alberta Separatists unveil development slogan: “Come invest in our unstable breakaway republic!”
CALGARY – With the Alberta Separatism referendum fast approaching, pro-separatist groups have launched a new campaign to entice investment dollars to their chaotic barely-planned idea for a coun...
Marvel fan can’t believe you’re watching Avengers: Doomsday before catching up on Loki, Plantman and Thornboy, or Hawkeye’s Son
Disney Plus, CA – A local night out has soured after Marvel fan Dan Lee has found out you plan to watch Avengers: Doomsday without first consuming 16,000 hours of marvel content. “You wouldn’t w...
David Eby losing election to TBD
VICTORIA, BC – After capitalizing on the disarray of the opposition Conservative party and calling a snap election, David Eby finds himself trailing in the polls to a leader to be determined at ...
“This is what Canadians elected us to do,” says Liberal Minister about policy never mentioned once during campaign
“It was Implied!” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and special guest Jocelyn Geddie) talk about Carney using the Trade War to govern even further to the right than Harper, Trump’s a...
Quiz: how should you vote on the Alberta Separation Referendum (sponsored by the Alberta Government)
The Alberta Referendum on potentially leaving Canada is less than a month away. And as part of the Alberta Government’s advertising campaign to inform Albertans on their options, the government ...
Blue Jays, Maple Leafs eliminated from playoffs
TORONTO — With the 2026 MLB season nearly over and the 2026-27 NHL season about to begin, the Toronto Blue Jays and Toronto Maple Leafs have been eliminated from playoff contention. “It’s sad to see t...
Meta unsure why women not buying pervert glasses
MENLO PARK, CA — As Meta’s totally cool, definitely-not-creepy smart glasses become more popular with tech bros and straight-up pervs, the tech company is reportedly baffled as to why their glasses wh...
