LOS ANGELES, CA – Kars4Kids ads are being pulled from the CBC for reasons that are being described as “mercifully not billionaire pedophile-related”.
Following a California court found the Kars4Kids campaign supported a Jewish organization called Oorah, which does not exclusively help children, observers have discovered that the scandal in fact has nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein, or even child sex trafficking in general.
In her ruling, Judge Gassia Aprkarian wrote, “A reasonable consumer donating to a ‘kids’ charity would attach importance to the fact that their donation is actually supporting adult matchmaking, and also that any impropriety involving said organization would likely have to do with some wealthy creep shit.” Aprkarian went on at length, describing her amazement at how no mention was made of Jeffrey Epstein, as he had no connection to the case.
“Based on the jingle, and then hearing there was a trial, I’d started to wonder if Kars4KIds was Epstein himself, or one of his buddies trading cars for kids, so I’m frankly relieved that’s not what happened,” said CBC spokesperson Tonya Guberschmidt, adding that the public broadcaster was relieved to be removing the ads for “less gross reasons.”
As for any possible connection to Jeffrey Epstein, Oorah’s publicly available records show that a Sharon Epstein was the recipient of a heavily-subsidized trip to Israel when she was seventeen. However, her and the notorious pedophile financier are not believed to be related, and experts agree that even if they were, this still wouldn’t be an “Epstein scandal, per se.”
Some have noted though, that because there’s a tangible connection to an earworm, it might still be an RFK thing.
