WASHINGTON, DC – Following their upset victory in the World Baseball Classic finals against the United States, the Venezuelan interim government is immediately collecting their winnings from a w...
Public bathroom out of soap, toilet paper, lightbulbs
MONTREAL – Sources today confirmed that a public bathroom in Mount Royal Park has completely run out of soap, toilet paper, functioning faucets, and lightbulbs. Owen Cunningham, a frequent visit...
Music festival fan regales friends about $700 show that sounds like worst experience possible
Osheaga, Quebec – Avid music festival goer Larry Rockton is in the middle of an epic story about an expensive music festival he went to recently that sounds like the worst experience a person co...
The “so much for global warming” guy at work is having a hell of a month
HAMILTON, ON — Brad Hadley, 39, better known as the “so much for global warming” guy at his workplace, is having his best winter ever. Hadley has been enjoying record levels of smug satisfaction based...
Trump to allies: “Which of you fucking losers wants to secure the Strait of Hormuz?”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With the Strait of Hormuz shut down by Iranian forces following the U.S.-Israel-led invasion, President Donald Trump has publicly invited his “pathetic baby NATO allies&#...
Tim Hortons issues recall after bagels made without burnt edges
CANADA – Tim Hortons issued a recall today for dozens of their toasted bagels that were sold without their signature burnt edges. The Canadian Food Inspection Agency has classified the affected ...
AI job losses free up time for unemployed mobs to burn down tech CEO‘s houses
PALO ALTO, CA – With Silicon Valley boasting that artificial intelligence could replace millions of jobs around the world, currently laid-off workers have reported having more free time to form ...
Doug Ford launches transparent effort to end transparency
QUEEN’S PARK – Pitching itself as “one of the most transparent governments in the history of Ontario,” the Ford government has announced that it will radically curtail transparency. The Fo...
Carney eyes Bloc MP to complete his collection
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney was spotted in the halls of Parliament checking out passing Bloc Quebecois MP Patrick Bonin as the missing piece to complete his collection of MPs from major ...
Live Nation restricts ticket buying and selling exclusively to bots
NEW YORK – Following Live Nation’s settlement in an antitrust case over unfair ticket prices, the multinational entertainment company has announced that ticket buying and selling will now ...
