KELLIHER, SK – A local man has demanded that someone should tear down and burn his neighbour’s Winnipeg Blue Bombers flag while ignoring his other neighbour’s flagrant display of hate and racism...
Singh: “I have never always not not not not not not not supported LNG fracking”
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh claimed that he has always never maybe supported fracking and the BC LNG pipeline. “We have always never not not not not not,” he said, before pausing and...
“I couldn’t imagine life without my kids,” says man who looks like complete shit
REGINA – Local man Edward Thompson has told friends, family and several strangers at a Starbucks that life is meaningless without kids, all while looking like an exhausted drug addict who is hav...
Smiths Falls resident chasing big city dreams in Brockville
BROCKVILLE, ON – A bright-eyed 22-year-old has left his hometown of Smiths Falls to pursue his passions in the mega city of Brockville. Daryll Faber, an aspiring industry labourer has set his si...
Film Review: Detective Pikachu glamorizes Pokémon-on-Pokémon violence
Detective Pikachu plunges audiences into the urban fantasy of Ryme City, a metropolis populated with humans and Pokémon “coexisting peacefully,” as long as the Pokémon serve us as bartenders and DJ sp...
“Aspartame is bad for you,” says friend who just snorted gigantic line of ketamine
MONTREAL – Moments after doing a line of ketamine last night, Holden Morrisey, 23, revealed to an astonished crowd of warehouse partygoers that the can of Diet Coke his friend was holding would lead t...
Breaking: Tall woman recognized for something other than being tall
CALGARY — In a historic moment for tall women everywhere, Susan Kettleman was recognized for something outside of her height earlier today. “I assumed I was being asked into my boss’s offi...
Man carefully proofreads dick pic before sending
VANCOUVER – Sources outside the Roxy nightclub report that 22-year old Cody Parsons has finally sent a carefully composed and meticulously curated image of his semi-erect penis to a woman he had...
Local man needlessly stressed that 23andMe will clone his terrible DNA
CALGARY — Reports indicate that local man, Michael Greenwich, refuses to use the 23andMe kit gifted to him by his Mother out of a fear that they will duplicate his absolutely heinous DNA. “They ...
Woman killed by monster after realizing running is worse than death
TORONTO – Following a terrifying appearance of a werewolf in Toronto’s High Park, 33-year-old accountant Felicia Delmont was savagely ripped to pieces due to her complete and utter refusal to engage i...
