Trump fires Jeff Sessions as ‘treat to self’ after 6 days without constitutional crisis
WASHINGTON D.C. — United States Attorney General Jeff Sessions has resigned at the president’s request, a move Trump took as a reward to himself after lasting 6 whole days since his last co…
Maclean’s doing their best to one-up that time they said Canadian universities were “Too Asian”
TORONTO – Canadian news magazine Maclean’s has announced that their current cover, which features five white male conservative politicians unironically labelled as “The resistance,” was an …
Health Canada announces it will cover treatment for Canadians forced to imagine Tony Clement sexting
OTTAWA – Following the news that MP and former Health Minister Tony Clement is stepping down from his role as shadow Justice Minister due to a sexting scandal, Health Canada has announced i…
Take Your Kid to Work Day opportunity for students to avoid the mistakes of their parents
TORONTO – Across the province of Ontario, grade 9 students are experiencing the workplace firsthand for a lesson in avoiding the soul-sucking careers their parents currently occupy. “Son, d…
Democrats take the House! Everything is good now, right?
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Breaking: Celebrity voted
LOS ANGELES – According to widely shared posts on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, a popular celebrity has voted in the U.S. midterm elections. “I can’t be entirely sure, since I’ve never r…
Thousands of Canadians remind their one American friend on Facebook to vote
WINNIPEG – Scores of Canadians on social media have reminded their only American friend that they should vote in the US midterm election if they haven’t already. “Just in case you didn̵…
Workplace first aid kit has every medical tool except fucking band aids
MISSISSAUGA, ON – This week at the law firm of Wessleman and Wessleman, a suitcase-sized first aid kit was discovered to contain every medical supply imaginable except for the common band-a…
Plastic Straw Ban
Who are the real victims?…
Meet The Beaverton
In these dull and peaceful times, how much news can possibly be satirized?…
