Hey, don’t I follow you on Instagram?
BY THAT GUY ON THE BUS Hey there! Hi? Hello? Oh, sorry, totally didn’t see the book and headphones! Hope I’m not bothering you. How are you today? Where are you headed? Oh, the university? Sounds…
“Have you tried meditating?” says woman who just appeared out of nowhere
BANFF, AB — While attempting to enter her car after a particularly stressful day, bank teller Chelsea Ponte was cornered by a woman out of nowhere asking if she had considered meditating as…
NDP offers free tote bag to any member willing to run in federal election
OTTAWA – Struggling to field candidates in all 338 ridings for the 2019 federal election, the NDP is now offering members who decide to run some free perks, including a ‘pretty nice’ NDP br…
Cool! Cheesecake Factory now has a new menu for each stage of grief!
As if Cheesecake Factory didn’t already have something delicious for everyone, from pizza to burgers to amazing desserts, they’ve just unveiled 5 delicious new menus inspired by each of Elizabeth…
Lone actress in war drama proud to represent only woman who participated in WWII
LOS ANGELES – Oscar-winning actress Catherine Lynette was honoured to play the only woman in a cast of 50 in a dramatic new film about World War II, War Hath No Fury. “They asked me to read…
Great Lakes downgraded to Okay Lakes
TORONTO – Following months of painstaking research and discussion, a quorum of the world’s leading lake experts have come to the conclusion that the bodies of water formerly known as the Gr…
Local man says father “dumb enough” to fall for history’s largest, most sophisticated propaganda network
LANSING, SOUTH DAKOTA — 25 year old business administrator Jayson Milnerd has once again expressed astonishment that his Trump-supporting father is “so ignorant” as to fall for a multibilli…
Jagmeet Singh trades his BMW for a clunker to appeal to working class voters
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh has traded in his red BMW coupe for a used 1994 Toyota Camry so he can send a message to working class voters that he is one of them. “This car may be wort…
Woman warns coworker of clogged toilet like she shielding rookie officer from mangled corpse
OTTAWA — Reports have confirmed that senior HR administrator Sheryl Leon prevented her colleague, financial analyst Lauren Thomas, from opening the door to a bathroom stall containing a clogged t…
POLL: 100 percent of Albertans believe province will be ruined if those assholes win the election
RED DEER, AB – A new poll has revealed that every single Albertan thinks the province will go to shit if those assholes win the upcoming election. The April 16th vote promises to be a showd…
