“He never tried to eat me,” friends defend cannibal
AJAX, ON — Friends of accused cannibal, Robert Black, are rushing to his defence after a tip to police revealed a freezer full of limbs in the basement of his house. “Look, I know Rob. He’s…
Big city elite retires to their 300 sq foot basement apartment to eat beans
VANCOUVER – Local woman Kaitlin Escada, who based on her location and political views many describe as a ‘big city elite’, is spending her evening sitting in darkness eating beans after her…
Doug Ford invokes notwithstanding clause to ram through legislation releasing all the snakes at the Zoo
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has invoked the notwithstanding clause, overriding a judicial ruling that said it was wrong to release thousands of snakes from the Toronto Zoo. “Folks, I was democrat…
Son finds dad’s stash of old hardcore police chase videos
VANCOUVER – Yesterday evening, twelve year old Dylan Kitchener got more than he bargained for while rummaging through his parent’s closet. The impressionable youth stumbled upon a car…
Nation kind of surprised it took Doug Ford this long to eliminate Charter Rights
TORONTO – After Doug Ford’s bombshell announcement that he would use S. 33 of the Constitution to override the Superior Court striking down his decision to eliminate half of the Toronto Cit…
Apathetic makers of children’s cereal slap cartoon character on bag of sugar
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Cereal designers at Kellogg’s have shown that they’re calling it in with its most recent children’s breakfast cereal which is simply a bag of white sugar with a colourful …
NDP consider replacing Jagmeet Singh with one of their other nationally known, charismatic MPs
OTTAWA – With the NDP struggling in the polls, rumours are swirling that the party may seek to replace current leader Jagmeet Singh with one of their many party officials that combine natio…
Toronto City Councillors mark judge’s ruling with celebratory squabble
TORONTO – A majority of Toronto’s City Councillors are celebrating a judge’s ruling against the Ford government’s decision to axe nearly half of municipal representatives by arguing over th…
“James Bond can’t be black,” says man who believes Jesus was white
BROSSARD, QC – Amidst ongoing speculation over who will be cast as the titular character in the next James Bond film, one local man has offered his take on the issue by suggesting that Mr. …