Child learns the true meaning of Halloween: always accept candy from strangers
Red Deer, AB- Moira Rohan, 7 years old, learned the true meaning of Halloween, that if an adult offers you candy or other sweet treats you should eagerly accept, especially if they are wearing a …
Angry middle-aged white guy this year’s scariest Halloween costume
LOS ANGELES – Beating out more traditional horror villains, trend-spotters have declared “angry middle-aged white guy” this year’s scariest Halloween costume. Perennial icons of terror like…
New CBC article ranks top 5 murderous dictatorships that can help grow your RSP
Luke and the Panel (Dave Atkinson, Aaron Hagey-MacKay and Andrew Ivimey) refuse to let the news get them down. They talk Trump’s influence over the mail bomber (2:30) and the Pittsburgh synagogue…
Shirtless boy going out on Halloween as Justin Trudeau
PORT COQUITLAM, B.C. – Wanting to emulate his favourite feminist superhero, a local boy has spent several seconds preparing his costume as the Right Honourable Justin Trudeau by taking off…
The disturbing backstory of this grown ass man’s Minions costume
MONTREAL, QC — As he slid his denim overalls over his bright yellow sweater while dancing to Q Lazzarus’s “Goodbye Horses,” Lain McNeal whispered to himself, “Would you fuck me? I would fuck me.”…
Prince’s estate sues Trump for using his music at criminally unsexy political rallies
WASHINGTON, DC – This week, representatives of Prince ordered Donald Trump to immediately cease use of the deceased pop star’s funky, stimulating grooves at rallies that were described as “patent…
Facing loud, violent neighbour, Canada moves to a safer continent
OTTAWA – Making good on its promise to live in a better neighbourhood, the second largest country in the world has made the move out of the North America. Canada packed up its 10 million sq…
Second base now redefined as eating ass
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Due to a growing increase in sexual expression and a more prevalent hookup culture, the long-standing system of “bases” used to define the progression of sexual acts have…
Local man refers to cubicle as ‘my office’
MONCTON – Employees of a local call centre were stunned this week after a fellow coworker referred to his cubicle as his office. Donald Grimps, 36, made the reference offhandedly in a morni…
Report: Bullshit spewing out of Maxime Bernier’s mouth to be carbon taxed
OTTAWA – The federal government has confirmed the complete and utter bullshit coming out of Maxime Bernier’s mouth will be taxed starting at $10 per tonne. This comes two days after a large…
