OTTAWA – Calling for calm amid protests over the construction of a pipeline through Wet’suwet’en territory, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reminding Canadians of the sacred and anc...
Trump announces book about impeachment process titled, “If I Did Those 240 Things”
WASHINGTON D.C. — In the tradition of OJ Simpson’s tell-all book “If I Did It,” Donald Trump recently announced he will release a memoir detailing his impeachment process titled, “If I Did Those...
Local child realizes Dad unable to beat up any other dads
WINDSOR, ON – Local 4th grader Tommy Watson has come to realize that, despite his previous boasting, his father James is the weakest dad in town and would stand little chance in confrontation wi...
Indigenous Services Minister generously offers to have a beer with protesters after they get out of jail
OTTAWA – As an olive branch from the Trudeau government to the Indigenous groups showing solidarity with the Wet’suwet’en hereditary chiefs by blocking some of Canada’s busiest railways, Indigen...
Tax-cheating drunk driver furious about protesters not respecting the rule of law
VANCOUVER – Walter Cline, a man who knowingly cheats on his taxes every single year and drives drunk several times a month, thinks it’s just disgusting that some people have broken the law durin...
Algorithm scrambles to get woman perfect, last-minute Valentine’s Day gift
TORONTO – A series of preset coded instructions attune to the online habits of Sara Ketema rushed to present a perfect Valentine’s Day gift to its monitored host, though many experts argue it ma...
Local woman celebrates Valentine’s Day by refusing to speak to any man dead or alive
Niagara, ON – Today 29-year-old Marcia Fitzgibbons discovered a novel approach to celebrating Valentine’s Day while single: completely icing out every last man on this godforsaken earth, and in ...
Brand new TTC vehicle pre-emptively self-combusts to save everyone some time
TORONTO – After hearing stories about the chaos caused by Toronto Transit vehicles meeting their ends in fires, crashes, and nonstop signal problems, a new bus scheduled to begin service in Toronto to...
Bombardier ask for another $3.7 billion to study the effects of government money going through a jet engine
MONTREAL – Executives at Bombardier Inc. have asked the federal and provincial governments for another $3.7 billion in government grants and subsidies for a special research project whereby mone...
“Couldn’t they have called the coronavirus something else?” asks local man named Covid-19
CALGARY – The international community now has a name for the coronavirus that’s killed over a thousand people and sickened tens of thousands more, Covid-19, and a local man with the same name as...
