Creepy backwoods gas station attendant concerned teens aren’t taking his warnings seriously

KAMLOOPS, BC – Gas station worker Martin Kowalski, who has often been described as “creepy and probably murderous” by locals, has been growing concerned lately that teenagers passing through aren…

Trick-or-Treaters expect at least full size chocolate bar from $2 million home

PELHAM, ON – Local trick-or-treaters are expecting a big payout from a recently constructed $2 million home in a well-off neighbourhood with a minimum expectation of a full size chocolate b…

Province with the lowest high school graduation rate in North America demands immigrant with PhD take values test

MONTREAL – The government that is responsible for a high school graduation rate of just 64% has announced that it will force Ibrahim Khan, an accomplished biomedical scientist, and tens of …

Five horror-movie locations that will make you want to redecorate your sex dungeon

It’s Halloween season again and we all know that what that means: horror movie marathons, delicious fun sized candy, and having to switch to your indoor sex swing. But bingeing on your favourite …

6 year old hopes everyone gets that his Halloween costume is supposed to be Darth Vader wearing a winter coat

Sault Ste. Marie, ON- Grade one student, Charlie Jacobs of Little Oak Elementary, has released a statement confirming that his Halloween costume this year is in fact Darth Vader wearing a winter …

New Explore program immerses Ontario teens with Quebec’s alcohol, Quebec teens with Ontario’s pot

OTTAWA – With the Quebec government announcing that it will restrict the age for purchasing cannabis at 21, an intensive immersion program has added a new initiative for intercultural alcoh…

“I’m a musician too,” adds q’s Tom Power for the 500th time

TORONTO – CBC Radio host Tom Power has reminded his guest and listeners that he’s also a musician for the 500th time since taking the helm of q. Power mentioned this fact unprompted during …

Nation has annual moment where we remember we technically have a Queen

OTTAWA – Canadians paused for a moment this morning to collectively think about the fact that we are the subjects of a Queen chosen by God to rule us, before immediately shrugging our shoul…

Trump still chanting “lock him up” as staffers afraid to break news that baseball fans meant him

WASHINGTON D.C. — Following an appearance at Game 5 of the World Series where attendees overwhelmingly chanted “lock him up”, President Trump has reportedly continued the chant unaware that…

Divided Canada: PEI separatist movement boasts second member

CHARLOTTETOWN – In yet another blow to Canada’s national unity, Dave Howard from Summerside, PEI has announced his support for PEI’s secession from Canada by joining the nearly non-existent…