VIA Rail relieved they don’t have to use bullshit ‘passing freight train’ excuse for late trains
BELLVILLE, ON – VIA Rail has expressed relief that now they have a legitimate excuse for delayed and cancelled trains instead of the ‘passing freight train’ horse shit they usually peddle to their frustrated passengers.
“I can’t believe we finally have a legitimate reason why our trains have been delayed for hours on end,” said a VIA spokesperson referring to the blockade by the Mohawks of the Bay of Quinte in support of BC pipeline protests at Unist’ot’en. “We have a whole list of bullshit excuses like ‘a broken signal’ or ‘adverse weather conditions.’ What does those even mean? I don’t even know, but I would like to thank protesters for giving us a reason people can see and believe.”
Meanwhile, employees working on stopped trains recited the reason for the delays.
“We are delayed due to a high volume of colonialism,” said a VIA Rail employee to 200 passengers stuck on Train 645. “Once the Canadian government acknowledges indigenous sovereignty of the land, we’ll be back up and running.”
“We are still expected to arrive in Toronto four days ago,” added the cabin crew.