Poilievre credits rising poll numbers to time-tested Conservative strategy of ‘hope the Liberals do a big scandal’
OTTAWA – Basking in the glow of polls finally turning in the Conservative Party’s direction, leader Pierre Poilievre says that, like so many Tory PMs before, he owes his success to ha…
Nation in shock as documentary confirms everything they already knew about Michael Jackson
LOS ANGELES – The entire nation is in total shock today in the wake of horrifying revelations contained in the HBO documentary Leaving Neverland, allegations which everyone already knew to …
Doug Ford’s customized OPP van runs over first whistleblower
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford’s customized OPP van has reportedly struck its first whistleblower near Queen’s Park earlier today. The specialized van complete with $100,000 worth of u…
Conservatives denounce PM for not paying JWR to go away Iike a Senate scandal
OTTAWA – The Official Opposition is continuing to hound Prime Minister Justin Trudeau by claiming that they would have paid-off off the Justice Minister to keep quiet like they paid Senator…
Kevin Jonas just happy to be included
LOS ANGELES – Excitement over the return of the Jonas Brothers, one of the most successful boy bands of the early 2000s, is burnin’ up all over social media. However, no one is more excited…
Man microdosing LSD macrodoses talking about it
HALIFAX – Local man Gregory Neiman has begun taking small amounts of LSD at regular intervals in order to boost creativity and productivity, while at the same time taking large amounts of t…
Scotiabank Arena says ‘fuck it, 18 bucks for a bottle of water’
TORONTO – Scotiabank Arena, the home of the Toronto Raptors and Toronto Maple Leafs recently announced a change in policy in which they pledge to stop fucking around and unabashedly charge an obs…
Trudeau announces Canada to partner with NASA to send Jody Wilson-Raybould to moon
SAINT-HUBERT, QC – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced Thursday that Canada would be partnering with NASA to put Judy Wilson Raybould in orbit around the moon. “Judy Wilson Raybould is …
Politicians who addressed United We Roll rally insist they were only supporting environmental devastation, not white supremacy
OTTAWA – Several right wing politicians including Andrew Scheer are clarifying that their attendance at a pro-pipeline/anti-immigration rally last week was solely meant to champion the envi…
Stolen Group of Seven painting fortunately only a Frederick Varley
TORONTO – Private gallery owner Richard Grier announced that a Group of Seven painting stolen this week was thankfully was only a piece by Frederick Varley. “You can imagine my distress when I no…
