TORONTO – After coronavirus has resulted in the TTC having it’s daily ridership cut in half, TTC employees have reported that they deeply miss the feeling of inconveniencing a million people everyday.
“I know why people aren’t here, it just sucks that so few people are inconvenienced on the daily now,” said Ben Murray, a veteran TTC announcer. “I mean what’s the point of having signal delays between stations, if no one is late for their job because of it? What’s the point of having a signal delay at all?”
Ahmet Tekbus, a TTC booth operator, has trouble getting the energy to go to work as he knows he will not be yelled at by every commuter from 8 am to 10:30 am. “It’s hard to get excited for a job when there are just so few people grumpily rolling through the turnstile. I had someone actually smile at me yesterday and I just don’t know if I can take this much unearned positivity and empathy.”
TTC employees are doing what they can to bring back a sense of the good old days, including stopping for no reason between Chester and Broadview, changing subway drivers as much as possible and making garbled announcements of pure gibberish at random moments. But none of it seems to be working.
Even customers appear to be thrown off. One transit officer saw dozens of people recently get off at St.George station and wait for shuttle buses on the street just to feel a sense of normalcy.
Commuters have come forward admitting they too miss the TTC. “Turns out it’s hard to blame the TTC for being late to a meeting when the meeting is on Zoom” mused Alexander Jeffries, an office intern.
In related news, McDonald’s employees say they miss drunk people harassing them at 4 am everyday.