Justin Trudeau orders Santa Claus to avoid Saskatchewan and Alberta
OTTAWA – Still angry over the election results and their threats to separate, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Santa Claus not to drop off any presents to families living in Saskat…
Weather Alert: Canadians expected to receive up to 8 trivial office conversations about snow
TORONTO – The national weather advisory released a statement today warning Canadians to expect up to 8 pointless office conversations on how much snow had fallen. “I don’t know what the fuc…
“I’m quirky” declared treatable condition by W.H.O.
KINGSTON – Following years of lobbying by Canadian health groups, the World Health Organization has finally recognized that saying “I’m quirky” is a condition that requires medical tr…
Conservative Party demands knowledge back from Scheer’s kids
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party has announced that following Andrew Scheer’s resignation as party leader, they will also be expecting to recoup the knowledge his kids acquired while attendi…
Armoured convoy escorts Caroline Mulroney out of Hamilton
HAMILTON – After announcing the Ford government was cancelling Hamilton’s LRT, Ontario’s Transportation Minister Caroline Mulroney was escorted out of the city. Ten LAV III and two Leopard …
Hallmark CEO reverses decision to pull ads featuring lesbians after being visited by three gay ghosts
STUDIO CITY, CA – Following a magical nocturnal adventure guided by three homosexual Christmas spirits, the president and CEO of Hallmark Cards Inc has publicly apologized for caving into r…
Update: white journalists still not seeing the irony of demanding Wilson-Raybould give office back
OTTAWA – a survey of the dozens of white mainstream media journalists currently writing angry editorials about Jody Wilson Raybould refusing to vacate an office that does not belong to her …
North Korea threatens to blah blah, Christ, every week with these guys
PYONGYANG, NK – This week, the government of North Korea warned that if U.S. didn’t stop ticking them off, they’d blah blah, when are these guys gonna take a week off? This is directly on the hee…
Watchful cat beginning to make introverted ceiling demon nervous
VANCOUVER – A demon that resides in the corner of the Johnson family’s living room ceiling has been growing increasingly concerned about the attentions of its host family’s 14-year-old cat, Mr. S…
