OTTAWA – In a desperate attempt to quell the rising spread of COVID-19, the Public Health Agency of Canada put out a notice today warning Canadians against going out to celebrate New Year’s Eve ...
“2020 strikes again!” says man undergoing long overdue divorce
HAMILTON – After years of percolating marital tension and resentment, Michael Toredo has proclaimed that the recent dissolution of his marriage is just another victim of the dreaded year 2020. “Yep, t...
Best Breakout Actors of 2020 and who their famous dads are!
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Acting is notoriously difficult to break into, but this year’s up-and-comers used hard work to beat the odds! These rising stars have the charisma, drive, and genetic facial symm...
Makers of Period Shits™ announce release of new morning product ‘Oops, all farts!’
A spokesperson for Menstruation Inc. announced at a press conference last Friday that the company is launching a new product in the new year. Aptly named ‘Oops, all farts’, the new product resembles t...
Update: Ontario Finance Minister staffers prematurely tweet staged quarantine photos before he arrives home
AJAX, ON – Staffers of Ontario Finance Minister Rod Phillips accidentally released images of the minister staying inside his home while he was still on vacation. “I have started my required 14 d...
“I like to put a little maple syrup in there to start my day,” says man drinking mug of maple syrup
OSHAWA – A man currently guzzling an entire mug of maple syrup admitted today that he likes to put a little maple syrup in there to get his day started right. “We all know that feeling when it’s...
Uncircumcised man slips on turtleneck
CALEDON, ON – An exasperated Gene Snift finally yielded to the many interview requests from giggling reporters about the “turtleneck incident” that occured last week. “If I’m being totally hones...
Ford on seeing Phillips’ tropical Zoom background: “I thought that was Ajax!”
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford insisted that he knew nothing about his finance minister’s trip to the Caribbean Island of St. Barts by claiming his Zoom background of palm trees and white s...
From the creators of Shark Week, comes Shart Week
NATIONWIDE – From the minds that brought you Shark Week, comes an entirely original week-long thrill about accidentally pooping when passing gas, called Shart Week. “There I was, alone in the gr...
Death of print media leaves spy exposed
REDACTED – The widespread proliferation of newspapers once guaranteed covert operatives like John Stuggs a portable piece of cover, now agents like him are left with only their smartphones in th...
