Page 321 – The Beaverton

Nation’s lonesome travellers sick of telling wayward dogs to “g’on now, get”

BOXCAR JUNCTION – In a rare break from nomadic life, the nation’s lonesome travellers assembled today inside a moving freight car they all hopped into, to declare they are sick of telling waywar...

Long-term care facilities to drop “long” and “care” from name

BARRIE, ON – In the wake of soaring COVID-19 deaths of patients of long-term care facilities, industry leaders have announced they will remove the words “long” and “care” in order to clear up an...

Erin O’Toole promises that Conservatives will always occupy the political centre of the far right

OTTAWA – With more Conservative MPs appearing to embrace right-wing conspiracy theories, Leader of the Opposition Erin O’Toole is assuring all Canadians that the Conservative Party of Cana...

Local woman feels like she’s the only person taking pandemic seriously, is right, this has been a huge prank on you Jenny

Hamilton, ON – Jenny Reid, an executive assistant who’s been quarantining in her studio apartment due to Covid-19 since March 2020 feels like she’s the only person taking the pandemic seriously....

Federal government unveils new guidelines to help stranded snowbirds go fuck themselves

OTTAWA – With an increasing number of Canadians encountering medical debts or immigration difficulties after spending the winter in the United States, the Canadian federal government has unrolle...

Trudeau, Biden talk sports, how to break central campaign promises

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and President Joe Biden met on Tuesday to discuss important Canada – US relation topics, including some light talk about sports, and also how the two...

Man currently paying out of pocket for dentist, therapist and medication grateful to live in country with Universal Healthcare

Kingston, ON – Local man Brandon Struthers, who currently spends thousands of dollars a year on healthcare, feels so lucky to live in a country where the government provides for everyone’s...