New tracking bracelets vibrate every time Doug Ford has dumb idea - The Beaverton
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New tracking bracelets vibrate every time Doug Ford has dumb idea

TORONTO – The Office of the Auditor General of has unveiled a new line of digital tracking devices that vibrate every time Doug posits a very stupid idea.

The Auditor General says the new bracelets will alert Ontarians whenever a half-baked policy that serves no real purpose other than to secure government contracts for his friends.

“The Twitbit will keep track of all of Premier Ford’s harebrained schemes in real time,” explained Auditor General Bonnie Lysyk. “Whether it’s low-orbit “Open for Business” signs or turning the 407 into a waterslide, the Twitbit will keep you informed of all the wasted time and money.”

What better way to watch the Ontario government burn off billions of federal aid than with a nifty gadget, touted the AG.

The Twitbit app also features awards for the government reaching its daily money misuse goals and bonus points for expensive ideas proposed by the Ontario premier that aren’t even in complete sentences like “tanks” or “gas price stickers.”

“Oh, look!” exclaimed Lysyk sporting the new device that was buzzing with a new notification. “Ford has just invested $5 million into shock collars for teachers to wear!”