LINDSAY, ON – In an extremely foreseeable but nonetheless upsetting chain of events, 29-year-old Dan Wilson, a man who can only be described as “weird as hell”, has revealed himself to be t…
The jig is up! Saskatchewan announces they were just fucking with everyone about the whole ‘bunny hug’ thing
SASKATOON – Officials from across the province of Saskatchewan held a press conference to come clean and admit that they were just fucking with everyone about the whole calling a hoodie a “…
We’ve all gotta start somewhere! This woman just googled “news”
VANCOUVER – Illustrating beautifully the old adage that Rome wasn’t built in a day, local woman Anne Hill is proving that we all really do have to start somewhere after cracking her knuckle…
Editorial: This is my very bad, not thought out opinion and if you get even a little mad at me I’ll freak the fuck out
By: Liza Garr To all of you fortunate readers who have the honour of reading my words, welcome to the editorial section. This is a space where I feel comfortable to share my malformed and hastily…
Cat watching you scoop litter box with quiet authority of tiny feudal lord
TIMMINS, ON — Upon hearing the unmistakable sound of a scoop dig into a wet clump of litter, three-year-old Muffins Fitzwilliam has climbed atop his cat tree to look down upon you with the quiet,…
“We pay a living wage” Brags restaurant that only schedules 3 hour shifts
PETROLIA, ON – White Fox Gastropub wooed the local community today by announcing that they will pay employees a living wage despite only scheduling four three-hour shifts per week. “I’m her…
Real Life Paddington? Boyfriend wearing his little coat
SURREY, BC- In an exciting turn of events, 29-year-old boyfriend Ben McDonald revealed himself to be a real life Paddington bear today when he bundled himself up in his little coat and boots and …
Opinion: I’m not opposed to UBI for economic reasons, I’m opposed because I relish in the anguish and suffering of my fellow man
by : Reginald C. Bancroft As the concept of universal basic income (UBI) pushes its way to the forefront of modern politics thanks to pandemic assistance like CERB, I feel I must speak up and cla…
Well then what the fuck is this room for? This kitchen doesn’t have giant letters that say EAT above the cupboards
EDMONTON, AB – In a discovery that has rocked the Crestwood neighbourhood, local family, the Robinsons were discovered to not have giant particle board letters that read “EAT” above the cou…
Man in Fred Perry polo clarifies he’s still an asshole but just not in that way
MONTREAL – After being the subject of numerous side glances and hushed whispers, local man in a Fred Perry polo Travis McCauley has come forward to clarify he’s still an asshole but just no…