Hamilton, ON – Jenny Reid, an executive assistant who’s been quarantining in her studio apartment due to Covid-19 since March 2020 feels like she’s the only person taking the pandemic seriously. And you know what? She’s right. This has been a massive worldwide prank on you, Jenny.
“We’ve been planning it out for a couple years,” said Nick Simons, Jenny’s best friend who’d been planning on getting her back ever since she put saran wrap on the toilet seat. “I got the idea one night in 2018 after watching the movie Pandemic and thought “perfect”, Jenny’s a total germaphobe so this’ll really get under her skin.”
“I spend days on days stuck inside my apartment”, Jenny explained. “I see so many people on social media just living their lives. Going to restaurants, the beach, new year’s parties… Like, am I the only one taking proper pandemic protocols seriously? Is this a joke?”
Tedros Adhanom, director general of WHO had struggled to keep this a secret from Reed. “When I got that initial call from Nick about the prank, I was like, “Ok, if we’re doing this, we gotta go big, dude.” So, I got everyone at WHO involved, as well as every media outlet. Some people might think 2.5 million deaths was a step too far, but I just call that commitment to the bit.”
Adhanom added that, once the prank finally ends, the next plan of action is to ramp the world’s economy back up again, which should take “about a day or two.”
Just as Jenny was preparing to wash her reusable face masks for her once a month venture outside to acquire supplies, Nick popped out from behind her couch with an air horn yelling “you got Pandemiced!” which is the name of his new Youtube channel.
“She took it pretty well all things considered,” said Nick, running water on his eyes to try to cleanse them of the Lysol Jenny had immediately sprayed in his face.
Although angry, Jenny was relieved that she could resume a normal life again. However she did ask “if COVID isn’t real, then what killed my grandfather?”