Straight man brags about being only straight man in theatre school
MISSISSAUGA – Local straight man and recent theatre school graduate Michael Gibson has bragged about being the only straight man in his year. “There were about 50 people in my class and of …
Premier Ford locks down Ontario to fight spread of Auditor General’s pandemic report
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford and his team of cabinet ministers have ordered a complete shutdown of Ontario to combat the spread of the Ontario Auditor General’s report on the government’s re…
Typo leads NASA to plan mission to Mark
HOUSTON – Following a copyediting oversight in NASA’s annual budget request, the U.S. government has approved financing for the space agency to conduct its first manned mission to Mark. The…
Alberta Premier now aware of a relatively unknown disease called “coronavirus”
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has now become aware of a condition known as “coronavirus.” “I would like to bring to everyone’s attention of a new disease that I have become aware …
Milky Way galaxy shut down after discovery of human fighting ring
ANDROMEDA – The Intergalactic Law Enforcement Bureau (ILEB) has announced an immediate seizure and shutdown of the nearby Milky Way galaxy upon discovering the presence of a long-running hu…
In preparation for Florida move Raptors replace logo with image of shirtless man shooting fireworks at an Alligator
TAMPA – As part of their preparation to temporarily become a Florida based NBA team the Toronto Raptors have replaced their ‘claw’ logo with a cartoon of a shirtless man shootin…
Black Friday shoppers prepare for outdoor bloodbath this year
CANADA – With the COVID-19 pandemic forcing retail locations across the country to limit the number of customers inside, many shoppers hoping to take advantage of Black Friday deals are get…
Fighting fish awfully aggressive for a Beta
COQUITLAM, BC – The residents of the Chung household were in shock last week as the most recent addition to their family, a fighting fish named Stanley, began acting hostile towards them de…
Amber Alert issued for 52-year-old premier
EDMONTON – Edmonton Police Service have issued an amber alert for Alberta Premier Jason Kenney who is nowhere to be found and may be in danger. The 52-year-old, who has the accountability o…
Man graduates from university application process
STRATFORD, ON – After an eternal time studying, countless hours researching articles on the nation’s schools, coordinating multiple reviews of student experiences, and many sleepless nights…
