“I know what I’m talking about”, says man who only read title of vaccine article
LONDON, ON – Local conspiracy theorist Grant Christopher, recently contributed to a discussion at his family table by assuring everyone that he completely understands the COVID-19 vaccine s…
Ford gov clarifies lockdown rules with new riddle
TORONTO – Facing criticism by Ontarians who don’t understand their new lockdown rules, the Ford government has sought to simplify matters by explaining everything through a simple rid…
Chris Evans rumoured to be in talks to reprise his universally beloved Marvel film character, Johnny Storm
LOS ANGELES – Superhero film fans are ecstatic at the news that Chris Evans is negotiating with Marvel to return to the role that made him an A-list celebrity and household name: Johnny Sto…
“WHAT’S IN THE VACCINE?” says man who doesn’t know what’s in his fridge
Barrie, ON – A local man unaware of the contents of his own refrigerator is demanding to know what is in the COVID-19 vaccine. Justin Travers, 34, is extremely concerned about the contents of the…
Man without savings account loves to discuss his concerns about the economy
CALGARY – A local man without a savings account has discovered a new passion for ripping on the nation’s complicated, finely balanced economy. “These are dark times for investors and financ…
In rare show of bipartisanship only 95% of Republicans vote in favour of man who tried to kill them
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning display of bipartisanship nearly 5% of Republican Members of Congress voted to impeach the man who, exactly one week ago, sent a horde of white supremacists …
U.S. to upgrade sex-ed curriculum with screenings of Bridgerton
WASHINGTON – The United States Department of Education has announced plans to revamp the sexual education curriculum by adding clips of the newly released Regency-era period drama from Shon…
Grimes says she’s “enjoying” having COVID-19, being in relationship with Elon Musk
LOS ANGELES — Vancouver-born pop musician Grimes announced Monday that she had “finally” tested positive for COVID-19, calling the “DayQuil fever dream strangely enjoyable.” Since then, she has b…
Ford warns paid sick leave would only encourage harmful belief that employees are people
TORONTO – Premiere Ford has clarified that Ontario will not be introducing mandatory paid sick leave as he does not want to reinforce the harmful idea that hourly and frontline workers are …
Elderly man in line for vaccine really three 28 year-olds in trench coat
TORONTO – As the rollout of the COVID-19 vaccine continues, residents of the Silverglen retirement village patiently waited in line to receive their first doses yesterday. Due to scarcity, cur…
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