Anti-mask rally participants contract strange, airborne disease
TORONTO – Rally participants in an anti-lockdown protest in Toronto on Saturday reported they had become ill with some kind of strange, flu-like virus. “I thought at first I couldn’t breath…
Nation’s slashers applaud decision to reopen summer camps
MONT-LAURIER, QC — After being shuttered last year due to the pandemic, summer camps in several provinces have begun preparations to reopen in anticipation of hosting throngs of excited campers a…
Tall couple oblivious to their threatening presence
CALGARY, AB – Towering above their friends at a backyard barbeque last night, local tall couple Morgan LeMarche (6’2”) and Spencer Daniels (6’4”) startled party-goers as they socialized and…
Stephen Harper pretty sure he was sent long-form census on purpose
CALGARY – As Canadians complete their 2021 Census, former PM Stephen Harper is pretty sure it isn’t an accident that he is one of the 25% of people asked to complete the long-form ver…
IT’S SIMPLE! How to book your vaccine using 8 websites, 5 booking IDs, a decoder ring, and the divine providence of Christ
IT’S SIMPLE! How to book your vaccine using 8 websites, 5 booking IDs, a decoder ring, and the divine providence of Christ Vaccine appointments are opening up for Ontarians 18+! We know you might…
Burger King invokes prima nocta
MIAMI, FL – In a stunning turn of events late yesterday, his Royal Highness the Burger King publicly announced his invocation of the ancient doctrine of prima nocta. For the uninitiated, pr…
Woman exhausts supply of spices in ongoing feud with squirrel
BRANTFORD, ON – In an escalating confrontation with a rodent, local resident and amatuer botanist Shelly Hargrove has exhausted her home’s supply of chili powder, turmeric, and other spices…
Dissolved Proud Boys rebrand as “Hoity-toity Boys”
OTTAWA – After being designated as a terrorist group by the Canadian government, the Proud Boys have dissolved to rebrand themselves as the “Hoity-toity Boys.” “We are big strong men who do…
Hungover virtual learning teacher points webcam at a Telefrancais video
Thunder Bay, ON – Ryan Strum, a local french teacher, has discovered a way to carry on the time honoured traditions of hungover teachers just playing a video in class by pointing his comput…
