NASA warns alien life may not be fuckable
WASHINGTON – Following a recent uptick in UFO interest, NASA cautioned curious citizens against the notion that extraterrestrial life will be sexually desirable. NASA’s interstellar s…
BuzzFeed posts “Which Of The Journalists We Just Laid Off Are You?” quiz
NEW YORK CITY – BuzzFeed is encouraging readers to design their dream Disney date to help them determine which of the 70 journalists, producers, editors, and other workers they just laid off they…
Local man scrambles to find last-minute gift for one year COVID anniversary
CALGARY – A local man who has somehow miraculously forgotten that he’s been locked inside for a year is scrambling to put together a gift for his one year COVID anniversary. “I just don’t know ho…
Local introvert regrets making that wish on Monkey’s Paw last year
KITCHENER-WATERLOO – Herb White, a self-avowed introvert, expressed deep regret about the wish he made last year upon finding a monkey’s paw by the side of the road. “Since last year, a gl…
Man without mask immune to COVID “because he’s outside”
MISSISSAUGA – Local area man, Garth Fuller, is reportedly immune to COVID because “he’s outside” and therefore, is not required to wear a mask. “It’s something with the wind,” said Garth Fu…
Editorial: Woke cancel culture has gone too far and no, I don’t have any specific examples – by Rex Murphy
by Rex Murphy Well, the illiberal cultural warriors are at it again, imposing their dogmatic doctrines to cancel innocent citizens who don’t share their woke views, although no, I’m not currently…
Burger King attempts to topple British Royal Family as most regressive monarchy
MIAMI, FL – Following the tell-all Oprah interview with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, fast food royalty Burger King tweeted “Women belong in the kitchen” in an attempt to overtake the Bri…
UK: don’t say bad things about our rich mummy
LONDON – The United Kingdom reacted with outrage to jokes about Queen Elizabeth II’s passing by demanding everyone stop saying bad things about their rich mummy. “Rich mummy was…
OPINION: In retrospect Julie Payette was the perfect representative for the Royal Family
By: Martin Day, Royal Observer Earlier this year, when it was revealed that Julie Payette was an abusive boss who treated people terribly, I was one of the loudest voices calling for her to resig…
Queen’s Commonwealth address stresses importance of family, friends, and not cooperating with the FBI in the ongoing Jeffrey Epstein investigation
WINDSOR – Queen Elizabeth II’s video message celebrating Commonwealth Day was a plea to all her subjects to focus on the people close to them in times of adversity and to never, ever give t…
