‘Over Asking’ portion of Sold Over Asking yard sign real fucking unnecessary

TORONTO – As housing prices continue to skyrocket, many are pointing out that Realtors’ habit of putting the ‘Over Asking’ next to their Sold sign is probably not needed a…

Rosedale resident given priority vaccine so they can summer in Muskoka

TORONTO – Local Rosedale resident Ainsley Williams, 33, recently received an urgent vaccination so that she can spend the summer up in Muskoka. “It’s been a tough year,” sighed Williams, fr…

“I’m just so proud to be Canadian,” says celebrity who lives in Bermuda for tax purposes

LOS ANGELES, CA – A prominent celebrity has told the Beaverton that they “couldn’t be prouder to be Canadian,” while requesting anonymity so as to avoid an investigation by the CRA. The celebrity…

“It’s not a carbon tax,” says O’Toole about his carbon tax

OTTAWA – Erin O’Toole pushed back against critics who have accused his plan for a carbon tax of being a carbon tax. “Our carbon levy is in no way a tax,” said O’Tool…

Washington Post dares to ask: “Who the fuck is Doug Ford?”

WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontarians roundly criticizing Premier Doug Ford’s failed COVID-19 response, many were surprised to see leading American newspaper The Washington Post publish an Op-Ed…

Male ally suggests women who don’t want to be attacked surgically implant keys between fingers like Wolverine

CALGARY – Darin Hendricks, a self-identified male feminist ally, thinks women who don’t want to be attacked should have their keys surgically implanted between their fingers like Wolverine.…

Ford closes hospitals to prevent COVID from spreading to precious construction sites

TORONTO – Ontario’s hospitals, long-term care homes, and other health care facilities will be shuttered for the next six weeks to prevent COVID from spreading to the province’s vulnerable c…

4 ways to justify your late night Denny’s run to the cops

Doug Ford is giving Ontario’s police the power to stop anyone and ask why they’ve left their home in order to crunch down on rising COVID cases. But don’t let that stop you from crunching d…

Ford confident he can defeat public health crisis with civil rights crisis

TORONTO – Following a massive increase in COVID cases in Ontario, Premier Doug Ford has decided that the best way to defeat this unprecedented threat to human life is with an equally unprec…

Ford refuses Red Cross aid after realizing red is a Liberal colour

TORONTO — The Federal Government offered to deploy the Canadian Red Cross today in order to provide Ontario with support for its vaccination clinics and healthcare system in the midst of a debili…