“COVID forced us to re-evaluate our normally permissive stance on competitor intimacy,” an Olympic representative said. “Unfortunately, Ms. Rose and Mr. Boy chose to selfishly ignore the rules and put everyone at risk.”
“And for God’s sake, they didn’t need to do it right in the parking lot,” they added.
This is the third scandal to strike the equestrian athletes, after Austrian event horse Fighting Line was caught sneaking into Tokyo to dine in a local park and Israeli jumper Donatello 141 stomped its feet and snorted at a Palestinian flag. While Bella Rose and Dream Boy both denied the accusation, their respective athletic federations have issued statements on their behalf.
“While we are proud of Bella Rose’s gold medal effort and understand that she wanted to celebrate, her actions were unacceptable and she will be shipped back home immediately,” the German Olympic Sports Confederation said. “Furthermore, Bella will forfeit her prize alfalfa.”
Dutch jockey Hans Peter Minderhoud said he would no longer work with Dream Boy. “I stuck with him after he was seen stoned out of his mind with two mares at the European Championships, but enough is enough. I respected the ban, and he should have done the same. Just get laid back home like the rest of us.”
The Dutch Sports Federation has promised to punish Dream Boy by withdrawing him from the next World Championships and instead put him out to stud.
At press time, the discovery of a used 22 inch condom in a bathroom stall made Sir Donnerhall II and Fantastic Frieda whinny nervously.