Canada wins bronze in grueling 50 event pentacontathlon - The Beaverton

×

<img src="/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/new_head.png" class="logoimg" alt="The Beaverton"/>

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
World
Sports
- Sports
Business
- Business
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
BeavFeed
Merch
Support
The Book
Workshops

Canada wins bronze in grueling 50 event...

<img src="/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/new_head.png" class="logoimg" alt="The Beaverton"/>

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
7 facts about Pierre Poilievre that probably aren’t true but we refused to be briefed on the actual situation

Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design

I don’t care how many scandals my free vacations cause, I can’t spend any more time on Tripadvisor

“Spring in Canada is so beautiful” says woman about to experience months of grimy dirt snow on the side of roads

Clothes in hamper smell good enough

Pussy-whipped loser can’t even go one night without asking the cops to find his missing wife

Smirking 9 year old just learned the French word for Seal

Driver causing 15 minute traffic delay by parking in middle of road put flashers on so it’s totally fine

Ontario Science Centre to be renamed The Galen Weston Centre for Condos and Corporate Greed

Doug Ford promises new Science Centre will be more accessible to dumb people

Owners of gold stolen from Pearson expected it to be lost by baggage services anyways

Local Torontonian wins race to subway seat

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Thousands of Vancouver perverts delight in taking pictures of tree genitalia

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Report: Mom not too keen on Charles

United Kingdom considered powerful nation despite needing 3 days to put hat on old man

Harry hopes publicizing struggles will help ordinary people with their own world-famous royal families

Trump sues far-right Brazilian protestors for trademark infringement

“If I’m guilty then how do you explain the hundreds of sexual assaults I got away with” asks Trump

Gun violence grinds to a halt after God finds prayers in spam folder

Nation relieved to see Trump indicted before he could do anything really bad

Fugitive Trump’s attempt to flee to Mexico thwarted by big wall

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
Report: There are now more bidders to buy the Ottawa Senators than there are fans of the Ottawa Senators

Researchers uncover evidence that Stanley Cup Playoffs still in progress

Leafs fans sick of current ‘good but not good enough’ team going to love return of ‘we suck and our front office is chaos’ era

Pitch clock resigns baseball players’ nutsacks to unscratched loneliness
Business
- Business
Queen’s University offers Musk 8 dollars a month to stop telling people he went there

Budget conscious Loblaws replaces Galen Weston with new No Name president

Walmart CEO claims stealing is really bad, unless it’s wages from your employees

Galen Weston defends $3 million raise by asking “Have you seen how expensive stuff is getting lately?”
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
“Hey that actor was in Harry Potter!” says woman every 5 seconds while watching British tv show

I’m your #84735 biggest fan, realistic man tells idol

Seven celebrities, inventions and exoplanets you didn’t realise are Canadian

Canadian TV writer not on strike, just unemployed

Man saves years of accumulated time by referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev”

Man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here finally identified: Marty Williams of Scarborough

Local dryer really making a meal out of this “Your laundry is done” jingle

How to Live, Laugh, Love when you want to Leave, Laze and Loathe

Local man enjoys mental health day by neglecting physical health

Running every day is the secret to long life, claim people being chased by lions

Hospitals dropping mask mandates tell patients to stay home if they feel unwell

Optometrists finally admit there is no difference between one and two

Editorial: My home business is the result of 1% inspiration and 99% denying I’m the victim of a pyramid scheme

“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” vs “Everything is perfect so let’s fix nothing”

Editorial: Where are all the White Fridays?

Editorial: Trudeau could have ended the Freedom Convoy protest in no time if he’d just let them kill him

Parent who should absolutely never have had children demands say in child’s education

Editorial: Kids today are overprotected! I died in a fire.

Toddler cannot fucking believe mom is here

Ontario reaches $10 child-care deal after Doug Ford achieves sole objective of no one getting help for a full year

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design

Conservatives explain why we need private healthcare

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Quiz: Which Conservative leadership candidate are you, and why is it Pierre Poilievre you sick fuck?

Quiz: Do you have Omicron? The answer is yes

Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design

Conservatives explain why we need private healthcare

Everything you need to know about Pierre Poilievre

Highlights of U.S. Election Day

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Merch
Support
The Book
Workshops

https://depositphotos.com/8807925/stock-illustration-sports.html

Canada wins bronze in grueling 50 event pentacontathlon

August 7, 2021 by Mark Hill ( @mehil )

See More: Olympics

Related News

Silver medalists only survivors of Transylvania Olympics

Canada ties for gold at winning bronze

“Thank Christ, we needed this” says nation

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Leave this field empty if you're human:

Most Popular

7 facts about Pierre Poilievre that probably aren’t true but we refused to be briefed on the actual situation
Election Day: Alberta decides between a traditional conservative government and whatever the hell the UCP is
Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election
Report: There are now more bidders to buy the Ottawa Senators than there are fans of the Ottawa Senators

MERCH

<img alt="merch1" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch1.png">

"Local Man Wears Funny T-Shirt" T-Shirt

<img alt="merch2" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch2.png">

"This Is My Winter Coat" Hoodie

<img alt="merch3" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch3.jpg">

"I Thought The Beaverton Was Satire" T-Shirt

<img alt="merch5" src="/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Merch5.png">

"House Hippo Dad" T-Shirt

Tweets by TheBeaverton Follow @TheBeaverton

<img width="137" src="/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/new_head.png"/>

"North America's Trusted Source of News"

LEGAL

Contest
Disclaimer
Website Terms and Conditions
Cookies Policy
Privacy Policy

ABOUT

About the Show
Masthead
Content Submission Guidelines

Copyright 2010 - 2023 The Beaverton. All rights reserved.