Doug Ford invokes second notwithstanding clause making it illegal to criticize him for invoking notwithstanding clause
TORONTO – After using the notwithstanding clause to pass a bill designed to stop teachers’ and nurses’ unions from running ads criticizing him, Doug Ford and the Ontario PCs hav…
Side effects of trying to book a shot using Ontario’s vaccination system worse than side effects of the vaccines
TORONTO – According to research by Health Canada, the health side effects of trying to book a vaccine appointment using Ontario’s vaccine registration portal are actually worse for yo…
Jason Kenney refuses to remove John A. MacDonald poster from bedroom
EDMONTON, AB- Despite continuous public outcry and numerous petitions, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney remains adamant that he will not have a poster depicting Sir John A. MacDonald taken down from …
Ford invokes Notwithstanding Clause to prevent people from pointing out what a fucking piece of shit he is
TORONTO – Doug Ford invoked the Notwithstanding Clause yesterday in order to pass an unconstitutional bill restricting outside parties from telling voters what an absolute piece of shit he …
Fully vaccinated grandparents descend on nation’s strip clubs
OTTAWA – As elderly Canadians receive their second COVID vaccine before younger citizens, hordes of thirsty seniors are flooding into the nation’s strip clubs. “I spent quarantine worrying I’d ha…
Ontario vaccination registration web-designers unprepared for possibility of people using site
TORONTO – After the provincial vaccination website opened to residents looking to book their second dose became slow, unwieldy, and inaccurate, web-designers hired for the job confronted th…
Thousands of losers wait in line for retail stores rather than have everything shipped to them by evil conglomerate
TORONTO – As retail stores opened in Ontario this weekend, thousands of losers, nobodies and morons chose to stand in line to buy items from retail stores instead of just ordering everythin…
White man listing privileges starting to feel pretty accomplished
VANCOUVER, BC – Part-time twitch streamer Corey McIntosh was in the middle of outlining the unfair privileges he enjoys over others on Facebook when suddenly he began to feel pretty good ab…
Beans lose classification as Magical Fruit
OTTAWA – In a controversial decision, the Canadian Plants Council has reclassified beans, from Magical Fruit to common legume. “We all know the saying,” said Monica Lee, the President of th…
Cupcake made to look like tiny football tastes like ass
ST. CATHARINES, ON – 6 year old Caylen Phillips, who has an obsession with football, received cupcakes at his recent birthday party which were shaped and designed to look like tiny football…
