Trudeau hopes no one notices him having a three-dose summer
OTTAWA – While trying to keep Canadians optimistic about his plan for a “one-dose summer”, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is also doing his best to avoid being called out for having already …
Sick fuck stores milk carton on its side
Markham, ON – Local man, Mark Hamilton, stores his milk carton on it’s side like a goddamn fucking animal. “It’s just more ergonomic this way,” stated a deranged Hamilton, who wedged the af…
Woman who paid taxes for first time now starting every sentence with “as a taxpayer”
VANCOUVER – Lillian Osterhouse is pleased to finally have made enough money this year to pay taxes and has some very strong opinions about how that money should be spent. “As a taxpayer, I …
Saskatchewan man listing Provinces always forgets to include Saskatchewan
REGINA – Tim Hardstark, a life-long resident of the Province of Saskatchewan, always forgets to include Saskatchewan when attempting to list all 10 provinces and 3 territories. “Let&#…
New law makes it legal to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars
OTTAWA – The federal government passed a new law this morning making it legal for any Canadian, of any age, to key anti-lockdown protestors’ cars. “Obviously vigilante justice a…
Half-vaxxed man goes back to work, leaves un-vaxxed half at home
HAMILTON, ON – Alf Keeling, a 37-year-old marketing manager recently got his first dose of the Moderna vaccine, and was given the OK to return to working in his office – but only the …
Experts advise melting down your Golden Globes to make an Oscar
LOS ANGELES, CA – With Tom Cruise returning his Golden Globe awards over allegations of a lack of diversity and ethics at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, PR professionals recommend…
City of Ottawa announces $2.9 million housing program for Porsches
OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has announced a generous contribution to a public housing development that will provide needy Porsches unable to find luxury homes and four car garages. Througho…
NHL announces Canucks’ current season will still be happening at beginning of next season
VANCOUVER – The NHL has announced that, in order to get their full 56-game season in the books, the Vancouver Canucks will be continuing to play games from the 2020-2021 during the 2021-202…
