Local woman divorces work husband amidst emotional affair with regular husband
VICTORIA, BC – Disaster has struck at Wellington Insurance Company, where accounts manager Alexis Long has commenced divorce proceedings against her work husband Jason Thomson after reveali…
Doug Ford wins best actor Oscar for performance pretending to care about people dying of COVID
TORONTO – In an upset win, Ontario Premier Doug Ford took home the Academy Award for Best Leading Actor due to his performance crying crocodile tears for all the people dying of COVID as a …
Oscar paparazzi getting great shots of their own laptops
LOS ANGELES, CA – The 93rd Academy Awards are underway, and the socially distanced press is currently getting some great shots of the famous attendees when they appear onscreen during the l…
Punk optometrist asks patient to read bottom line of festival poster
MONTREAL — Local punk and professional optometrist Riley “Pinkeye” Abraham tested a patient’s eyesight this morning by asking her to read the bottom line of a PUNTER FEST poster, sources report. …
Ontarians reminisce about other Ford brother whose bumbling incompetence didn’t kill anyone
TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands. …
REPORT: Experts warn Canada’s bouncy housing market dangerously overinflated
VANCOUVER – After a record-shattering March, experts are warning that the asset valuation of Canadian bouncy property may be drastically overblown, to the point where many young Canadians w…
Woman who doesn’t get “pronouns” requests you describe her as “vaccine-hesitant”
GEORGIAN BAY, ON – Stacey Amber, a woman who has told you on many occasions without provocation she “doesn’t get gender pronouns” has requested you use “vaccine-hesitant” when addressing he…
Editorial: Can a celebrity be governor of California?
Following the announcement by gold medal winning Olympian and reality television star Caitlyn Jenner that she will be running for governor of California, the sensitive and unresolved question mus…
Heartwarming: Doug Ford learns MS Paint
News in Photos.…
Canada more divided than ever between have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces
OTTAWA – Despite years of equalization payments, a new study has found that there is an increasing divide between the have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces. “The have-nots in our …
